Griff, Em & Rowan growing

Attn: Uncle Sam

2012-01-27T17:19:00.001-06:00

It's not even the end of January (quite) yet....and our taxes are off in the mail to be filed!!

Have I set a record? Will mine be the first tax return that the IRS receives this year? Quite possibly so.

I'm pretty proud of myself. Especially considering that for the past I don't know how many years, I put all the tax documents in a folder and stuck them in a drawer until much, much closer to tax time. Usually, the anxiety would begin to build around the end of February/beginning of March. By the end of March, I would start losing sleep over it. Finally, around the first of April, I would succumb to the stress and start combing through it all and putting the numbers together to determine the damage. Yes, damage. That's because we've always owed.

This year is different. Thanks to the Adoption Tax Credit, we will actually get a refund...a nice, hefty refund. Of course, it is already earmarked to pay off the debt we incurred last year to fund the adoption. It would be nice if it just got to sit in our checking account for awhile, while we both pondered all the fun and exciting things we could do/buy with it. But, alas, a trip to China to bring home our precious daughter was most certainly worth every. single. penny of adoption expenses.

I don't know how we got so lucky, but for adoptions finalized in 2011, the credit was the largest it's ever been AND it was fully refundable (2010 was the only other year it was refundable, and unfortunately, it appears that it will revert back to being a carryover credit for 2012 and beyond IF it even continues to be extended). I really hope the Adoption Tax Credit survives and that all future adoptive families are able to receive its benefit. For us (and I have no doubt for many, many others), it has made what can easily seem like a daunting at best, insurmountable at worst, goal achievable. And of all the benefits and tax breaks available from our federal government, isn't making it financially feasible for families to bring home their children a pretty important one? For goodnesssake, there are lots of others, many that I'm not even aware of, that I would say could stand to be axed...but not this one.

Meet Froggie

2012-01-21T08:39:00.000-06:00

Meet Froggie.

He was originally a Valentine's Day gift from my mom to Griffin. He had a little red heart sewn between his hands. I don't know what happened to the heart, but Froggie found his place in the bottom of Griffin's closet, where he stayed for a good long while. Then, one day I was cleaning out said closet, and some of the toys and stuffed animals ended up in the trash; some were donated; and Froggie was spared. I threw him in the washer, and after a good cleaning, he ended up in Emory's crib (since Griffin clearly had no use for him).

I can't pinpoint the exact time when he transitioned from being a lonely stuffed animal to being THE one and only, "Froggie." Somewhere around the time when Emory started walking and got big enough to tote things, he began toting him...everywhere. And, pretty quickly, he became very, very attached to Mr. Froggie.

His constant companion.

A pillow to sleep on.

Emory loves Froggie.

The other night I asked him, "Why do you love Froggie so much?" He answered, "because he loves me." He kisses him, he hugs him, he snuggles with him, he drags him around by the arm. That's one special stuffed frog.

Bad blogger (and updates)

2012-01-18T18:19:00.001-06:00

I looked back through my archives and confirmed what I suspected...that not since I started this blog have I gone an entire month without posting something...anything. I don't even have a good excuse. Busy with the holidays? Yes. Busy with projects around the house? Yes. Busy wiping butts, cleaning messes, breaking up fights, hauling kids back and forth to school/daycare, yada, yada, yada...I'm not even going to list it all because it sounds like complaining...and I'm not complaining...it's my life, and I like it. But that's beside the point. I have been busy with all of that. Still, that's not the reason for the major neglect of my blog. I'm having blogger's block or something.

Even right now.

I don't have any idea what to say.

But here's a start. Another thing I noticed in scrolling back through my archives is that I've left some things unanswered. So, just to get my juices flowing...and because I know you've all been perched on the edge of your seats...just dying to know the answers to these questions (is there anyone out there?), I have a few updates:

Update #1
Has Emory started brushing his teeth...or does he have a mouthful of rotting baby teeth? Emory has learned to brush his teeth, very well, I might add. He lets me brush them, he brushes them himself, he's actually the best toothbrusher of the three of them. Unfortunately, all the good brushing in the world hasn't warded off the dreaded...the unthinkable...a cavity. I've had one cavity in my whole life, and for some reason (like I don't have anything else to take pride in), I've always put an unusual amount of importance on that. I've always regretted that one cavity, the blemish on my perfect record. Scott, on the other hand, jokes with the dentist at every cleaning that the reason he hasn't found any new cavities in recent years must be because he's run out of real estate. He's always claimed to have "weak enamel." And I always smirked and thought, "yeah, whatever makes you happy." But apparently, he did/does have weak enamel, and apparently, Emory inherited this unfortunate trait. A few months ago, I had to take Emory to have a cavity filled. Poor thing. There is just something not right about seeing a three-year-old look and act like a drunk. Slurred speech. Unable to stand up straight. I don't hope to do that again anytime soon.

Update #2
Did Rowan ever get her social security card? Yes. She did. But I still get angry when I let myself go back to that ridiculously ignorant and judgmental phone conversation with the idiot who somehow found employment with the SS Administration. It took an email to my U.S. Representative, whose office then contacted our local SS office, and a trip to the SS office, armed with every original and official document I have evidencing our adoption and Rowan's citizenship, as WELL as the SSA's own instructions printed directly from their website...but we got it. Finally. The visit wasn't that bad. I didn't have to wait very long. They did try their best to convince me that our adoption decree would have to be translated by their "in-house" translator (or some crap like that) and that it would take many, many weeks (or something like that) to get it back. But I stuck to my guns and insisted they were wrong, and sure enough, they were. And we got her card in the mail just one week later. Sheesh.

Update #3
Have I finished my kitchen yet? Well, no. Typical me...I go into everything all gung ho, and when I just can't do anymore, I quit. I finished everything but the backsplash (I even changed out the light fixture...I mean, Scott changed the light fixture). But the backsplash has been sitting there propped up against the wall for two months. The liquid nails and paint are just sitting on a shelf...calling out to me every time I walk past.

Some other updates:

Emory's hair did, in fact, grow back...and now it's time for another haircut.

Rowan is speaking...a LOT. No more worries about her language acquisition or development. Some of her favorite phrases are, "Stop it, Emory!" and "I do it." My personal favorite is, "I yuv ew, Mommy." And a close second these days is, "I potty!"

....had a very shiny nose

2011-12-18T18:54:00.000-06:00

Last week, Scott, I, and my mother-in-law got to visit Griffin's classroom,

and watch a bunch of Kindergarteners...I mean, elves, Santas, and reindeer...

sing all the Christmas songs they practiced so hard.

Griffin was happy to see us,

and give us the ornaments he made for us.

Griffin loves school.

And that makes me really happy.

After the Christmas program, they had an awards ceremony,

where Griffin received four, count 'em, four ribbons for all his hard work and achievements.

So proud of my little reindeer.

Need help finding a Christmas gift?

2011-12-06T20:29:00.001-06:00

Click on the photo above to be linked to a collection of unique gifts (and even some giveaways) that all support families in the process of bringing their children home. It's a good cause. And you never know what you might find. Thanks, Anna (and congratulations on one year home with Lily!)

Laundry room love

2011-12-05T09:17:00.001-06:00

I can't believe I haven't yet blogged about my newest LOVE. By the enormous generosity of my parents, as a gift for both my birthday and Christmas this year, I have a new washer and dryer. And if it's possible to be madly in love with an appliance (or two), I most certainly am.

Several weeks ago, while I was in the middle of my kitchen makeover, my mom came over one afternoon to paint a few cabinet doors for me. While she was here, she decided to throw in a couple loads of laundry to help me out. (I have a notorious laundry problem. I never seem to be in control of it. It's always spilling out of the laundry room...it's never all put away...etcetera, etcetera) Anyway, it was then that she discovered how small and inefficient a washing machine I was relying on to keep this family of 5 in clean clothes. She pointed out the problem to me, and honestly, I hadn't realized that it was the machine (and not me) that was the problem. Granted, it was the "old-fashioned" kind of top loader with an agitator, taking up most of the space inside (and the agitator didn't even move that well). It used lots of water and didn't hold much...but it worked. It did the job...or so I thought.

This is my laundry room before.
As you can see, (in a house without a basement or garage)
storage is also a problem.

A few days later, I was in Lowe's, and I stopped by the appliance department just to see for myself what a new washer and dryer had over my old ones. I opened the door on one and peeked inside...and...it was GIGANTIC. You could fit a couple of small kids in there. I was truly amazed. And suddenly...very envious of anyone who had one of those energy efficient, monster sized washers that I didn't even know existed. I had no idea what I was missing out on.

So, my parents (in their endless kindness) offered to get me one. We repositioned and relocated them...our next door neighbor built me a work table/shelf where the old ones were...and I found really good deal on a scratch and dent chest freezer.

And here is my new laundry room...

where I could sleep, eat, and be happy. Seriously, in the first few days, I would actually sit and watch the washer wash clothes. I would stalk members of my family, waiting for them to undress, so I could snatch up their dirty clothes before they hit the floor and go start a new load. I. Love. It. I'm in clothes washing heaven.

Thank you, Mama & Daddy!

a hometown Christmas

2011-12-03T10:21:00.001-06:00

A few years ago...when Griffin had just turned 3, and Emory was an infant, we braved the cold to take them to our little hometown, downtown Christmas. We walked up and down Main Street, sipping on hot lattes, stopping to speak to people we knew, and keeping a lookout for Santa Claus and his reindeer.

Before leaving, we stopped inside the downtown Methodist Church...where it was nice and warm...and watched a bells concert. Griffin watched mesmerized, and Emory fell asleep on my shoulder, as we listened to Silent Night and O Holy Night and many others in a chorus of bells. I don't think I'll ever forget that night. It was just one of those special times, when the joy of the season really got me...

and every year since then, we've tried to make it. Last night, I took the kids downtown solo (while Scott stayed home to work on some stuff). First stop was L&K Photography, where Santa was expected to make an appearance.

waiting for Santa to arrive

When Santa showed up, you could hear the excitement. As I fully anticipated...when Rowan spotted him, she tightened her grip on me and said, "He scare me...he scare me." While we waited our turn in line, I was hoping (by some miracle) she would see other kids all climbing up in is lap and the fear would have subsided by the time we got up to him...but no...there was absolutely no way she was getting close to him. Emory, on the other hand, spotted Santa and (surprising to me) didn't freak out. He kept peeking around kids in line in front of us to see him, and he told me was going to ask him for "a tractor and a donkey trailer." When it was our turn, we took a few steps towards Santa, and Emory put on the emergency brake. He stopped in his tracks and started screaming, "I don't want to see him! I don't want to see him!" Rowan clutched my neck in a death grip and whined, "scare me...scare me." So, while I tried my best to console the two of them off in a corner, Griffin climbed up in his lap by himself. I looked over, and he was having a nice little chat with Santa. When he was done, we left. And that was my attempt to let the kids see Santa.

Next stop was the coffee shop downstairs from the photography studio, where we got 3 small, luke warm chocolates and a tall caramel latte for Mommy.

There was no fussing there.

After that, we walked down to see the town Christmas tree all lit up. There was Christmas music being piped in. I was trying to get a decent picture,

which wasn't happening,

when Emory suddenly broke into some Elaine-from-Seinfeld-inspired dancing. (I never have my video camera around when I need it.)

And that was our hometown Christmas.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-25T07:18:00.001-06:00

I did it.

I did it!

A couple of months ago, I offered to host Thanksgiving this year.

It's my favorite holiday.

I had expectations...and trepidations...

but it all came together just perfectly.

I had never cooked a turkey before. I called my mom Thursday morning to ask her to bring a bread basket (or one of the other dozen or so things I needed and didn't have), and she answered the phone, "Butterball emergency hotline...what is your turkey emergency?" But I didn't have any emergencies.

My mom also brought a ham...not meant to be backup, but just in addition (it did, however, relieve some of my turkey anxiety knowing there would be ham).

I had also never made rolls from scratch. In my very limited baking experience, my hands and dough don't get along very well. (A couple of Christmases ago, I tried to make sugar cookies with the kids and came just short of throwing the dough out into the street...except that it wouldn't come loose of my fingers.)

Rising...whew.

I had a couple of tins of Parker House rolls in the freezer on standby, but they weren't necessary. Everyone loved them. My grandmother-in-law commented that I had messed up...because now I was going to have to bring them to every family dinner. Ha! Here's the recipe if you're interested.

And everyone contributed to the feast.

And what a FEAST it was.

But the one thing that really mattered...that I couldn't have lived without...that can't be replaced or substituted...is FAMILY. And I'm so blessed to have a great big bunch of them who all love each other...and mean the world to me.

My nephew Greyson, adding his leaf to the "Thankful tree"

Watching football.

Mmmm...desserts.

Griffin, schooling his cousins on videogaming.

Hope your Thanksgiving was filled with family, food and fun.

One year since our referral

2011-11-23T06:30:00.000-06:00

One year ago today, this little photo changed our lives. Forever.

On November 23, 2010, knowing that the most recent "shared list" had been released the previous night, and having been "logged in" for a month and a half, we were anxiously and hopefully awaiting a referral call from our agency. And at 11:50 a.m., it happened. I had just come home for lunch when the phone rang. The voice on the other end told me she had a file for us to review. Then, she gave me some very basic information, which I scribbled down (with shaking hands), and she said she would email little YaQiong's file. I parked myself at the computer and called Scott. I nervously opened the email from the agency, forwarded it to him at work, and we both looked at it.

I wish I could remember exactly what we said to each other, but I don't think I could have told you five minutes after the fact because my mind was racing from the nerves and adrenaline.

We poured over her file, sent it to doctors for review, called our parents, and tried our best to remain calm, but the excitement was almost unbearable. We knew pretty much right away that this was it. This was the child that would someday be ours.

A few days shy of six months later...we came home with her...that child in the photo.

Tomorrow, she'll sit down to her very first Thanksgiving dinner. At home. With us.

Thankful hearts rejoice.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Kindergarten Thanksgiving

2011-11-22T11:56:00.001-06:00

This morning, I had the pleasure of going to Griffin's school to see the Kindergarten Thanksgiving program.

There were Pilgrims and Indians and turkeys.

He was a turkey.

They sang lots of (very well rehearsed) songs.

Then it was time for each little Pilgrim, Indian, and turkey to stand up and tell what he or she is thankful for.

When it was Griffin's turn, he stood there and quietly said,
"My name is Griffin...

and I'm thankful for my mommy."

And I sat there...

in a chair built for a five-year-old...

with my knees in my chest...and a lump in my throat...

and my eyes welled up with tears.

Have I mentioned how THANKFUL I am for this little guy?

for the love of pinterest

2011-11-16T18:27:00.001-06:00

In case you've been living under a rock...and haven't yet discovered the wonders of pinning...let me tell ya, it's a lot of fun.

Pinterest takes all the good ideas (everything from recipes and holidays...to crafts and home decor...to gift ideas and tips for cleaning and organizing...you name it) and puts them all in one place. A place I can easily spend hours on end exploring and soaking it all up.

Pinterest has inspired me to redo our kitchen...which, in case you're wondering, is still just almost completed.

Pinterest also helped me organize the stashes of broken crayons and mix matched markers all scattered around here and there into this easy to see, easy to use, easy to store art carousel for the cost of a can of chalkboard spray paint (I got the buckets from the dollar bins at Target a long time ago and just hadn't decided on a use for them yet, and the lazy susan was a donation from my mom's basement).

I got the idea here:

source

Pinterest inspired me to turn a blank wall between our kitchen and dining room into this:

Total cost so far: $7 and some cents

The shutters were another donation from my mom's basement. I didn't even have to paint them. They were already the perfect color and perfectly distressed (considering I just came off a kitchen makeover and Thanksgiving is next week - they'll do just fine). I didn't do a thing to them besides attach picture hangers to the backs. Then, I made a (Pinterest inspired) wreath from an extra wide yard of gray felt I bought on Amazon ($7), which I hung with ribbon I got for less than a dollar.

And I just clothes pinned family photos to the shutters. I'm not quite done accessorizing it yet. The beautiful thing is that I can change it...anytime I feel like it.

I'm on the hunt for the perfect console table to go on that wall. I may even try to make one myself...or better yet, ask our sweet, retired neighbor who has a carpenter's workshop in his garage to make one for me.

Anyway, here are some inspiration photos:

source

And on the wall opposite the shutter wall, I did this.

I painted the entire wall using Magnamagic chalkboard paint. I researched magnetic primers and chalkboard paint and finally decided to buy this stuff straight from the manufacturer ($58 including shipping). I could have gotten something cheaper, but 1) I wanted the magnets to stick, and 2) I read good things about this stuff. I also bought two IKEA dignitet curtain wire systems off ebay (total $31) to hang the kids' artwork.

And here was my inspiration:

source

So, if you're not pinning...GET PINNING!

Wordless Wednesday {first haircut}

2011-11-16T18:23:00.001-06:00

On mothers and adoption and loss

2011-11-14T07:51:00.000-06:00

My daughter has had three mothers in her short life. She has me...now and forever. We've known each other for only six months, but she is a piece of me like my other two children are. She has firmly planted herself in that part of my heart that is reserved only for my children. She is my daughter, and I am her mother...forever. While we walk this path of knowing each other better and loving each other deeper everyday, I can honestly say, she wouldn't be any more mine if I had given birth to her...but I didn't give birth to her...and therefore,

My daughter has a birth mother. A mother who carried her in her womb, delivered her from her own body, cared for her and loved her and protected her...until one November day (two years ago today), when my daughter was only 7 weeks old, she (or someone else) left her, warmly clothed, in a place where she would be found, with only a note giving her birth date in the lunar calendar...and that mother forever left a piece of her behind. I think it, and I've said it, and right now, writing it "out loud," I can't even begin to imagine the anguish...the fear...the helplessness. For one, I don't know anything about her...her circumstances, her age, her history, NOTHING. And for me to pretend for one second to know the struggles or thought processes of a Chinese woman is ridiculous. The one and only thing I know about her that I can relate to...is that I, too, am a mother. That deep, raw, instinctive love that mothers feel for their children...that ignites in you like a pilot light before you ever even see or hold your child...and never extinguishes...the love that courses through your veins and oozes from your pores every single day for the rest of your life...is universal. And, having grown two children in my womb, delivered them from my body, and felt the overwhelming love that completely envelops and transforms a mother, I just. can't. imagine.

This chain of love connects us, mothers and daughter, through Rowan. But there is also a chain of hurt. Every mother knows the pain you feel when your children are hurting. There is, and will always be, something painful for my daughter...that I can't fix...a loss that I can't replace...from having been abandoned by her birth mother...from having no knowledge whatsoever about from where she came. While an infant may not possess the cognitive ability to recognize and process separation...to a newborn, mother and child are one in the same person...and that separation is painful and traumatic...and real (whether they remember it or not). And that pain is only compounded by all of the unknowns that surround it. My daughter may live the rest of her life never knowing who her birth mother is or why she abandoned her...and her birth mother may live the rest of her life never knowing what became of the baby she left...and I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever I can to comfort her through the loss. And no words of comfort will ever feel sufficient to explain to my daughter how very much her birth mother must have loved her. But speculation is all we have...I can speculate as much as the day is long about why her mother left her...she was born with a hole in her heart and her parents weren't able to provide for her medical needs; she was born a girl in a culture that favors boys; and other scenarios more horrific than we want to fathom...but the truth is...I don't know. It's possible that her mother put herself and her family in danger by even carrying her and giving birth to her. For nine months (in the womb) and seven weeks (out), she cared for her and kept her safe. And, whatever her reasons for leaving her that day, it had to have been the most agonizing thing for any mother to experience.

My daughter also had a foster mother...from age 9 months until we traveled to China to get her at 19 months...more than half of her life in China. And for those ten months of her life, this woman provided the love and stability and nurturing that is as crucial to a child's growth and development...and survival...as air and water. Imagine (if you're not an adoptive mom...if you are an adoptive mom, then you don't have to imagine) not being able to have given your child during infancy the life-sustaining love and affection that mothers give. My daughter's foster mother is the one who provided that for her...she touched her and held her and kissed her and hugged her and responded to her needs....and made it possible for Rowan to love us. How do you ever adequately express that kind of appreciation? "Thank you" just doesn't seem to cover it. Just like Rowan's birth mother, she holds a very special place in our hearts and lives, and we will forever be grateful to her.

Just as it pains me to know the loss and separation my daughter feels...I feel incredible sadness to think about the loss and separation her other mothers feel. The immense joy we feel from having gained a daughter is measured only by the immense pain her other mothers feel from having lost their daughter.

Six months

2011-11-09T12:14:00.001-06:00

This was six months ago today...

and this is now.

Amazing.

Kitchen makeover

2011-11-05T07:41:00.002-05:00

Remember the kitchen makeover I started a few weeks ago? And I promised to tell all the boring details of it? Well, here they are. You can skip the boring details (and go straight to the "after" shot), or grab a beverage and get comfortable. But I didn't want to show a "before" and "after" without some explanation of how it was achieved. You'll see that it's not totally finished yet...like most of my projects, I dive in head first and fizzle out just before completion.

I've disliked our kitchen since, oh...the first time I saw it. It's not a terrible kitchen. I don't hate it. I've seen lots worse. The appliances are okay. They work...and they're not avocado green or some other hideous color.

The cabinets are solid and well made. They're just not my favorite style. For one, I don't like the arches on the upper cabinets. I don't like the natural, light oak color. And, mostly, I don't like the layout. It's botched up (and could be so much more efficient and attractive). I've been planning, in my head and on paper, for longer than I'd like to admit, a fabulous new kitchen...that would require a total gut redo.

It would involve removing this wall where the stove is and opening the room up to the living room behind it. This would be a peninsula with the sink and dishwasher, where I could watch t.v. while doing dishes; serve the kids breakfast at the bar; help them with homework while getting dinner ready, not to mention, gain both badly needed counter space and natural light. The stove would go where the fridge is now.

And the fridge would go over here in the corner (where it wouldn't jut out into the room like a big, oversized galoot)...with a new, bigger and deeper pantry cabinet flush beside it (so I wouldn't have to spring for one of those counter-depth fridges that hold about two-thirds as much and cost almost twice as much). This would be a 'wall o' food storage'.

p.s. Notice the lovely green countertops (I should have gotten a closer up photo; they actually had a leaf print, like a really bad camouflage).

Here's another picture of that fridge, sticking out right in the middle of the room and using up tons of valuable countertop area. (The two corners on either side of it are basically unusable).

And here's the dishwasher and sink corner (I can't stand at the sink and have the dishwasher open at the same time - whose bright idea was that?).

I haven't gotten any professional opinions yet, but I had estimated that the cost of said kitchen would be in the neighborhood of $15,000 to $20,000 (and that's probably conservative when you factor in tearing down walls and moving around plumbing and electric in a 50+ year old house). Oh, and that obviously doesn't include my "master plan" of building two new bedrooms and a bath off the back of the house, a new 2-car detached garage with a storage area, and an inground pool, stone patio and outdoor fireplace...{sigh}...a girl can dream, right?

So, for about a tenth of the cost of my "dream kitchen" (total cost will be approximately $2,350, including appliances), I decided to work with what I have and buy myself another 5-7 years to save up for the real thing.

I replaced the appliances with stainless steel for $2,000 (that's including the cost of a new microwave, which hasn't been purchased yet, and it's net from the sale of the old appliances, which haven't all been sold yet). I found good deals on a new dishwasher and stove, and I found a stainless steel, counter-depth refrigerator (in good condition) on Craigslist for about one-third the price of a new one. Since the current location of the fridge (the middle of the dang room) really needs counter-depth, and it was a really good deal, I decided to sacrifice space for beauty. I also replaced the sink with a cast iron sink I found on Craigslist for $50 and kept the same faucet.

I so badly wanted to replace the countertops with walnut-stained butcher block. I had my heart set on it after I saw it done here and here. But even though IKEA has very reasonably priced solid oak countertops, it was going to get a little expensive when taking into account the cost of shipping, labor, and installation. The nearest IKEA is in Atlanta, and, unlike the ladies from whom I got inspiration, I am not quite as skilled when it comes to that level of DIY-ing. I'll admit that's over my head. I was going to hire a friend's husband because 1) I know he would do a far superior job than I would, and 2) I certainly would have lost my religion if I had attempted to do it myself. So, considering that the expense would have been better put towards appliances (that may actually survive an eventual remodel, rather than having to rip out those beautiful, oak countertops someday), we went another route.

For less than a hundred bucks, I painted the existing laminate countertops to "look like granite." In my opinion, laminate can never really look like granite. It will always be an impostor. (Google it, and you'll see all sorts of faux painting disasters.) Being fully aware of my artistic limitations, I decided to leave the sponge painting alone and do them almost solid black, which by the way is the kind of granite I would choose if I were actually replacing them with the real stuff. I cleaned and sanded them, (skipped the primer) and painted a base coat of charcoal gray in a satin finish (I just happened to buy a $5 quart of oops paint that color at SW a little while back). I stirred lots of gold and silver fairy dust glitter into the second coat, then lightly sprinkled some on top of the wet paint. Then, pretty much by accident, I washed over it all with black paint mixed with water (I was attempting to evenly mist some watered down black over the gray, and that was a flop, but when I wiped it off, I liked the look of the black wash). Then one last sprinkle of the silver dust. And finally, I used Envirotex Lite to give them a protective, high gloss resin coating. That's definitely what helps give the depth of color that polished granite has. I was SO nervous to use that stuff. I had read about it online, read and reread the instructions, and I kept having visions of Scott coming home with the kids and seeing me passed out on the kitchen floor from the noxious fumes, with gooey stuff dripping off the counters.

But I did it. And it wasn't that bad. If you're contemplating it, my advice is to read the directions carefully, and be very mindful of temperature and humidity. I got very lucky and had the most perfect 78 degree day with 27 percent humidity. I opened the windows, put on a mask and gloves, and went to work (the gloves were necessary - very sticky stuff; but the mask was not - I ditched it less than half way through because the fumes were not bad at ALL...there really weren't any, which made me think I had mixed it wrong...and, in conjunction with my anxiety, the mask was making me hyperventilate).

Here's what they looked like painted (before the resin):

And this is after:

They turned out nice. I'm happy with them. There are some flaws (some more obvious than others, like the one where Scott, after numerous warnings, leaned up against them...and I thought it was the kids I had to worry about), but I won't point out the flaws so that if you're ever in my house, maybe you won't notice them. Another piece of advice: keep your husband and kids far away from your work area; also, use a heat gun to get the bubbles out after your pour (this one is very important). The reasoning behind painting rather than replacing them was that if I royally screwed them up, we could just tear them out and replace them anyway, having wasted only $91. So, what did we have to lose? And, really, they couldn't look much worse than what was already there.

I also painted the cabinets. (I know, for some people, that's equivalent to a sin...and I did get a couple of "whuh" looks when I told them I was going to paint my cabinets). Drawing inspiration from photos of some to die for kitchens on Pinterest, (if you follow me on Pinterest, then you can probably guess what color I decided on, since I've pinned about three dozen photos of gray kitchens over the last couple of months). I had originally decided to do a creamy white on the uppers (and the pantry corner to keep it uniform), and a steely gray on the lowers. I wishy washed between that, all white, or all gray...and finally decided on all gray cabinets. I contemplated a dark gray?...a light gray?...a medium gray?...a blue gray?...a green gray?

I finally found this photo...and fell in love.

I tried really hard to envision my kitchen this color while ignoring the obvious differences - that this kitchen has better lighting, extra high ceilings, more beautiful cabinetry, a gorgeous tile backsplash, etc. I knew I couldn't replicate this kitchen, but I focused on the color of the cabinets with the shiny, black counters and warm, wood floors (which I do have in mine). And I plan to paint my walls ivory (if I ever have the energy to touch a can of paint again).

Here's another view of the same kitchen.

For the life of me, I could not find out the exact color used on those cabinets. In every photo of this kitchen I found on the internet, I could never find the actual source or designer, and no one ever revealed the paint color (that I could find). So, after an insane amount of deliberation (did you know there are approximately 3,000 shades of gray?), I chose 'Half Moon Crest' in Benjamin Moore's Aura paint. It's more expensive than the average paint, but it covers well, it's easy to put on, it self-primes and self-levels, and it's scrubbable.

Ben Moore "Half Moon Crest" (1481)

About halfway through painting, and especially once I got the first set of doors rehung, I began to think, "Aye...this is a little blue...a little too blue." (And I almost chose an even bluer gray.) Before I even chose a paint color, I had originally thought I would glaze the cabinets, but I was going to wait and see if 1) I had any energy left for it, and 2) whether they really needed it or if I liked them better without glaze. Once it was all together, I decided that I do like it...for now. I still may glaze them, but I will play around with it first, and that's a project that can definitely wait awhile.

Finally, I replaced the hardware for $42 (for 30 knobs and 8 drawer pulls). And I'm using painted beadboard for the backsplash. Again, there was some debate over that. I had originally decided on beadboard; then I discovered beadboard wallpaper, and that intrigued me; and then I got to exploring all kinds of wallpaper. There are some gorgeous papers out there (unfortunately, you have to weed through hundreds of ugly ones to find them). I wanted something bold and flashy to add color and interest, but some of the patterns I saw I knew belonged on the backs of the glass door cabinets instead, and I didn't want that pattern to compete with another pattern on the backsplash...so, I ended up choosing white beadboard, and eventually, I'll wallpaper the backs of the cabinets with something beautiful (hoping to find a remnant since I need such a small amount) and put lights inside the cabinets.

And here are the long awaited "after" shots! (If you've hung in there for this whole post, bravo to you.)

Close one eye and try not to see the totally bare backsplash to the right of the fridge (or the smudges all over the fridge).

As I said, it's not totally finished. The microwave (conveniently absent from these photos) has not yet been replaced with stainless steel, and the beadboard has only been rough cut but not installed. It took me exactly two weeks to finish the countertop and cabinets and replace 3 of the 4 appliances. Then, I just stalled out...but it shouldn't be too much trouble to finish it all up. Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving...when we're hosting 23 people (yes, you read that right) for dinner. Have I completely lost my mind?

Halloween pics

2011-11-04T12:06:00.002-05:00

Better late than never?

happy birthday to me

2011-10-29T08:10:00.001-05:00

I woke up Tuesday morning to Scott telling me happy birthday before my eyes were even good and open. Then, like I do ever year, I spent an extra minute or two examining my face...the circles are darker than last year, the fine lines are not as fine. And, every year, I can't help but stop and examine my life...I've been alive for 36 years; a wife for 8; a mother for 5 and 9/10ths; a lawyer for 9 (I found out I passed the bar on my 27th birthday).

And I couldn't really be happier...and certainly couldn't be any more blessed.

For my birthday, I got an extra intense tantrum from my oldest son before school; I got an extra squishy hug from the youngest son; and nothing extraordinarily good or bad from my daughter. Just another day. When I got to work, I was reminded how indescribably special my dad is...he left a pot of mums, a box of donuts, and a card that brought tears to my eyes on the doorstep to my office. When I called to thank him, he was already on a walk in the woods.

I was treated to lunch by my mom, and Scott made a special dinner. It was "special" in the sense that he's never made me dinner before. I got to hear three soapy headed kids sing, "Happy Birthday" to me in the bath. And we all ate Scott's dinner and shared a big Halloween cookie for dessert. I even got a few birthday cards and "happy birthday" texts.

That's an egg slicer...he was looking for a cheese grater.

And that was my birthday. All (actually more) than I ever expected or wanted...an acknowledgement and to feel a little special...like I've done something right...and I deserve these under-eye circles and "fine" lines.

But that wasn't all. Yesterday afternoon, my sister-in-law texted me, telling me she was going to get some barbecue and beer and for us to come over and hang out for a little while. Nothing unusual about that. More weekends than not, we spend at each other's houses. But, yesterday was cold...and rainy...and I was really tired. I had just about made up my mind that I was going to tell her I didn't feel well and we were going to stay home when she left a voicemail, saying that the guys were going to stay there with the kids while we went to the Mexican restaurant by ourselves...and to spiff up a little (clue #1). As enticing as that was, I still found it hard to gather motivation. I even commented to Mrs. Lillie at daycare when I was picking up the kids that I couldn't wait to fall into bed.

After we got home, and I got the kids (and all their stuff) unloaded, I piled up on the couch with them until Scott got home. We had about a half an hour to spare when he got home, and I suggested that he bathe them first and we take them in their pajamas, so we could put them straight into bed when we got home. After their baths, we were putting their pajamas on and Scott tried to get me to dress them in clothes (clue #2), and I just dismissed him.

We arrived at my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's house and made our way inside. I noticed how neat her house was, and I think I commented on all the fall/Halloween decorations (clue #3). But there's nothing weird about that either. She's always decorating and arranging (I introduced her to Pinterest; she was the first person I thought of after I discovered it because I knew she would take those ideas and actually do something with them, rather than sit and admire them on a computer screen). Anyway, as soon as we rounded the corner into the kitchen, I heard a giant "SURPRISE!" Then I saw the crowd of people gathered around...and I can't even convey the range of thoughts as I looked around at the faces and absorbed and processed the scene. NEVER, in a million years, would I have seen that coming. My first thought...after 'What in the world?!'...was the realization that it was for...my birthday? My birthday was over Tuesday night, and three whole days had passed since I last gave it any thought. After my heart started beating again, I looked around in shock at the faces I saw...for each one, I thought, 'What is she/he doing here?' It was just SO unexpected, my mind could not process it. In fact, it's Saturday morning now, and I'm still surprised by it. I would love to have seen my face (and those of the kids, who were equally surprised)...but my brother-in-law, who thought he was recording it on his recently purchased iPhone, wasn't actually recording.

I've always said I'm not one for surprises. I like to know what's coming...probably so I can control it. But, that was a nice surprise. The people who matter most to me...all came together...for me (I don't know why that's so hard to comprehend)...and I truly, truly enjoyed it.

This week in review

2011-10-14T06:25:00.005-05:00

Because there's so much going on right now...and because I can't seem to focus on any one thing...and every time I think to myself, 'I need to write a blog post,' I'm at a total loss for what to write about...I'm just going to do a smorgasbord post.

I'm in the midst of a kitchen makeover. The kind where you do-it-yourself (and by "yourself" I mean, totally and completely by MYself), as opposed to the kind where you hire a contractor and they do all the work for you (that kind is going to have to wait another few years...or decade). It's a pretty enormous undertaking, and while my kitchen is looking better, the rest of the house (and my family) are being pretty much temporarily neglected. And I'm flat exhausted at bedtime. I'm making progress though. Here is a sneak peek (don't worry, I'll give all the boring details of it in a later post...once it's finished).

Notice the chair in the dishwasher hole (is that what you call it?) I've been without a dishwasher for over a week...is there some kind of award for that?

On Thursday (or Wednesday? I don't even remember already), I came home for lunch and found, to my huge surprise, two pigs walking up our driveway. "Huh?" Yeah, that was kind of my reaction, too. We don't live near a farm. We live in the city limits. While our county is definitely rural, and it's not uncommon at all to see deer, wild turkey, possums, and other wildlife, and there are definitely livestock around here (the land behind us has cows on it sometimes), never before have two stray pigs wandered up onto my back porch, nor would I have ever dreamed that a possibility.

Please overlook the unblown leaves. Scott and the leaf blower are distant friends; they see each other only on occasion.

One of them has a collar, which tells me these pigs are someone's pets? That, of course, doesn't explain how they got on my back porch though.

This is the point at which I had to go back inside. This piggy was, in my opinion, a little pushy. I think he wanted inside, and the screen door between us was only adequate long enough to get one last picture.

In other news, Griffin has hardly been here this week. He's on fall break, and he's spending it with my parents, doing all sorts of fun stuff. Today, my mom is taking him to the mall. It never occurred to me that the boy has never been to the mall (that he remembers...I know I took him when he was wee bitty baby because I remember making mental notes of which bathrooms were most user friendly for changing diapers and breast feeding). My mom took him a few months ago, and when he looked around in amazement and asked, "What's this place?!" she realized he'd never been there before. This week he asked her, "What's that place with the escalators and candy store?" She answered, "the mall." Then he asked, "What's a mall?" to which my mom replied, "a place with escalators and a candy store." Oh, how I already miss those circular, logic defying conversations. I guess that since they've been able to walk and talk, and get lost and ask for things, I've just steered clear of taking the kids shopping with me. My (infrequent) trips to the mall are what you call, "me time."

When you have your first child, you think how easy life was before...and having a kid is hard work. But, when you have your second, you often wonder how you ever considered one child to be "work." When you have three, suddenly two children seems easy. (I say "you" generically; maybe I'm the only one making this observation?) Anyway, when one of our kids is away, things do seem easier to manage. But I miss my Griffster!

Scott's parents just came home from vacation, and they brought the kids these superhero pj's. They were so excited that they got to go to bed looking like Spiderman, Superman, and Batman (Emory had to remove the mask before bed). Griffin asked if he could wear his to school. I told him I didn't think his teacher would allow that, and he retorted, "Just don't tell her they're pajamas." Uh...okay, son. In that case...you can wear your Superman pajamas to school?

Sunday snapshot: Pumpkin patch

2011-10-09T08:09:00.001-05:00

What is fall without a trip to the pumpkin patch?

We took the kids and my nieces out to the country, where they could romp and play...

I love how Emory is holding Rowan's hand and pointing.

and roll around in 14,000 pounds of corn.

After a little fresh air and sunshine, the littlest one had to leave early...it won't be long until she can hang with the rest of them.

The others all enjoyed it.

My niece.

My niece when she knows she's being photographed.

My three little pumpkins.

And then there was the 4-wheeler train ride around the pond. Just as they started to go, the fear got the best of Emory.

So the others went ahead without him.

And when they got back, I got to experience the bumpy ride myself...with Emory in my lap. As Scott put it, I thought my fillings were going to fall out.

Once he did it, he thought it was pretty fun.

There was also a playground and a "superslide."

You can always measure the amount of fun in a kid's day by the color of their bathwater at the end of the day...they are directly proportionate. My kids' bathwater was pretty dirty last night.

Go to Ni Hao Y'all for some more Sunday snapshots.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-28T19:22:00.001-05:00

Sunday snapshot: Look who's turning TWO!

2011-09-25T07:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, we celebrated Rowan's second birthday (her first birthday with us). Her actual birthday is in a couple of days (if that little, handwritten scrap of paper the orphanage gave us, and told us was left with her, is correct - which, I believe, it is).

Last week...between having lots to do at work; getting the kids back and forth to school and soccer practice; schlepping toys and clothes to and from the consignment sale; trying not to be so overwhelmed by the disaster zone we call home that I was too paralyzed to clean and get ready for the party; making trips to the grocery; forgetting stuff from the grocery; and so on and so on...

I really tried to take time to reflect on our girl's past, her circumstances, and her life before us. Actually, I couldn't help it. I have been more preoccupied than usual with all those thoughts and concerns.

Her first birthday. Did she have a birthday party? A cake...a gift...anything? I don't know. She was with her foster family then, and I do have evidence that she was very, very loved by them. But, judging by her reaction to the cake and presents and party people, I kinda doubt she's ever done anything quite like that before.

And, of course, her birth. Two years ago, before we were even contemplating adoption, a baby girl was born in China. Was she born in a small village...a large city...a hospital or home? Was it a difficult delivery? Were her parents happy...sad...fearful? Did they know they wouldn't keep her? Did they intend to keep her and something happened? I have only my imagination and assumptions to rely on. When I wonder about all the unknowns, it can seem very remote and foreign (for lack of a better word). Then, I remind myself that it's our little girl I'm talking about...the same one who is sitting, right now, at the breakfast table with her brothers, giggling over the toy frog that sings 'Jesus Loves Me'. She is here now. We are her family now.

But it wasn't that long ago that she was a world away from here. She was someone else's daughter. And the ones who know all the details, who remember those details, who lived those details...are still somewhere a world away. Are they thinking of her? Do they miss her? Are they sad?

It is my never-ending prayer for them that they find peace.

It is all so complicated and involved and overhwelming, I'm just going to stop here at my miserable attempt to put emotions into words, and instead, share some photos of our happy day and focus on the joy and celebration that this child, born a world away, IS ours now. How amazing is that?

Happy birthday, Rowan!

Crafty me...I made this banner myself!

favor bags for the gaggle of pint-sized party guests

We'll light this candle every year in honor of her birth parents.

Owls were the theme of the party

Ham 'n cheese sliders (found the recipe on Pinterest, my newest obsession)

Rowan & Ryder (a friend from school)

Cousins Evan & Ean (this was the first time they've met Rowan)

Adoring grandparents

Two of my my most favorite ladies

She was NOT going to blow out those candles ("stick my face up next to that fire? are you nuts?") That's okay. She had plenty other willing participants to help her out.

Eating cake with Ava (another friend from school)

"hmmm...what do I do with this?"

Very excited to get some "girl toys." Other than a baby doll, she hasn't gotten any yet; she's been content to play with "Pi-duh-man."

All the kiddos posing for a picture

For some reason, I can't get the button to show up, but to see more Sunday snapshots and some pics of precious Poppy, also recently home from China and who also just celebrated her second birthday, go here.

welcome, baby Jessi

2011-09-05T21:22:00.002-05:00

I have a new niece! Born on September 2nd, she is as precious as they come.

At only five hours old, there was already no doubt that she is going to be every bit as beautiful as her adoring and loving big sisters.

While we've always been (and always will be) boy-heavy on Scott's side of the family...we're now girl-heavy on mine. With the addition of Rowan and now Jessi Rae, the girls are balancing things out.

I have a picture of Griffin, age 2, holding Emory in this very same spot. They were in the same
exact room I was in when Emory was born. How weird is that?

Congratulations to Deanna and Brady on their newest little blessing!

What a beautiful family. We love you guys so much!

Sunday snapshot: cotton candy and roller coasters

2011-09-05T06:59:00.003-05:00

Every year, Scott's work has "Family Day" for its employees and families at an amusement park a couple of hours away from here. They give free admission and food, and it's just a way to show their appreciation. I think it's quite nice of them, especially now, considering it would cost an average family of four $120 just to get into the park, which lots of families can't afford.

We've never gone before because 1) the distance and its interference with nap times, and 2) we thought the kiddos have been too little to really do anything or enjoy it...until now. Yesterday, we took them all to their first real amusement park experience. Despite me having woken up feeling like dookie (nauseous and headachy - not a good combination of symptoms for someone about to go to a place where smells of vomit waft through the air), and despite the cloudy skies and the threat of rain from Hurricane Lee, we took off and got there just before the gates opened.

They all look pretty excited, huh?

We were limited as to which rides we could ride given the height restrictions and that some of us (I won't mention names) are more squeamish than others when it comes to "thrill" seeking. So, we mostly stuck to stuff like this:

The most exciting and adventurous thing we did - all 5 of us (and I don't have a picture because I wasn't about to give my camera, the most valuable thing we took besides our kids themselves, to someone there to take our picture) - was the "Tilt-a-Whirl" (when my brother was little, he called it the Tilted World, which I think is a much more apt description). It's a 4-person ride, but the guy bent the rules and let all of us sit in the same container(?) (what do they call those things?) since, space-wise, Rowan can barely be considered a fifth person. I looked over at one point (during one of the few times I could focus my eyes) and saw Rowan laughing hysterically...Emory had a death grip on my arm and didn't make any sounds except for a few yelps of fear when he was able to catch his breath...and Griffin just sat there completely expressionless, gripping the handle bar, until it stopped and he screamed, "THAT WAS FUN!"

In case you're wondering, we did not do that big roller coaster behind us.

Scott and Griffin did the Scrambler

and Emory watched.

I think the kids' favorite thing was the water park.

Me and the boys on the "Lazy River"

Rowan splashing around

I don't know if you can see it, but Scott photoshopped text that says, "Griffin, about to get blasted." I can't count the number of times he stood under that bucket and laughed every time it pounded him with water.

Of course, no trip to an amusement park is complete without cotton candy and funnel cake.

After a few hours of all the fun we could take, it was time to head home.

And, oh, what a peaceful ride home it was.

To see more Sunday snapshots, go here.

Family photos

2011-08-29T19:11:00.000-05:00

Despite our busy schedules; Emory's chopped off curls; Rowan's mosquito-bitten eyelid (yes, eyelid...poor thing...and I thought I was a magnet for mosquitos); and an assortment of other reasons to put them off...I actually got around to scheduling (and actually keeping this time) an appointment to have our family photos made.

Our first pics as a family of five.

And they turned out wonderful!

I can spend hours worrying and primping and prepping, but no matter what, someone's gonna have a green bruise on their head...

Griffin's hair is still going to part down the middle (I cannot win that battle)...

Rowan will refuse to wear her hair accessory...

and Emory will close his eyes when he smiles.

But, rather than point out all our imperfections, I choose to see those things as what makes them special...and how I will always remember them.

Thanks to Laurie and Karen, whose patience and creativity I cannot emphasize enough. These two sisters-in-law are doing what God intended them to do. Aside from their enormous talent, they have hearts for capturing families and kiddos and preserving memories...and it definitely shows.

Fun with cousins

2011-08-27T09:19:00.003-05:00

Last weekend, we got some family time with the cousins.

My niece is about to turn 5! And with another little sister scheduled to enter the world in less than a week, we had to celebrate early.

We had lots of fun. It's so easy with this group.

The kids love seeing each other. And my parents (proud grandparents of 5...almost 6) are probably happiest of all seeing them all together...in one place.

My mom fixed a big meal that everyone enjoyed...

complete with fried green tomatoes...

and Key Lime pie for dessert.

We laughed and played,

and just hung out.

Sunday snapshot: Rowan

2011-08-21T06:22:00.002-05:00

We've been home for three months now. Really? Only three months?

It seems like much, much longer ago that we met that scared and heartbroken child with the short, choppy haircut.

Today, she is just one of us.

She has come so far in so many ways.

She loves "school." She likes her teachers and her classmates. She plays and colors pictures. Every morning, she stops in the doorway of the two-year-old class (she knows all the teachers and kids in there, too) and waves and says, "hello." And they all wave and shout "hello" back to her. When I finally coax her away from that class, and we get down to her room, she says "hello" and plops herself down in the same little chair everyday to have her breakfast. She kisses me and tells me "luv you" and "bye bye."

She's speaking more everyday. She knows "stop it" and uses it a LOT. She doesn't take any crap from her big brothers, that's for sure.

She eats anything you put in front of her. She has a very good appetite...which is revealing itself in her chubbed up legs and face and her round little belly.

She is now as easy, if not easier, than the boys were at her age to put to bed (well, Emory was the easiest child in the world to put to bed...at the end of the day, he would reach for the crib). When we first came home, and for what seemed like an eternity thereafter, I had to lie in the floor of her room, often for an hour or longer, while she tossed and turned and flipped and flopped, until she finally fell into a deep sleep, and I crept out as quietly and slowly as humanly possible.

Now, we brush teeth, read a book with the boys, give lots of kisses and hugs, and I take her in her room, push play on her bedtime CD, rock for a song or two, and lay her down. Then, I go immediately to the door, pull it almost closed behind me, she whimpers and whines, and I say softly, "Shhhhh. Go to sleep." And she does. It's that simple. Then, she sleeps soundly through the night.

She is so incredibly affectionate. Where she once didn't like me to look in her general direction, and she swatted poor Emory in the face every time he (unable to resist the frequent urge) leaned over to kiss her...she is now a kiss monster. She runs from one person to the next, to the next, making smooching noises, and kissing everyone...repeatedly.

She's cute as a button...a little stubborn...determined, confident, gentle and sweet.

Son of a gun...we'll have big fun

2011-08-18T20:53:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to take any more pictures of my food and put them on my blog, I promise (my family is beginning to think I'm crazy). It's not like I'm trying to be PW or anything. I just had to share this one. It was so easy and good...three out of the five of us liked it and that, to me, is a success.

It's Jambalaya...for cheaters.

My mom makes Gumbo (does anyone know the difference? I don't), and she makes it from scratch. Standing over the stove, stirring the roux for hours (well, maybe not hours, but I know it takes her awhile, and she's pretty much perfected it). This kind is super easy...put everything in a crockpot and call it done. The recipe is here (forewarning: their picture looks quite a bit more appetizing than mine above - maybe because I didn't exactly follow the recipe).

I did my own version, but basically got the gist of it. No one in my family likes green peppers, and for some reason, I didn't have an onion...so I omitted those two ingredients. I came home at lunch and cut up some chicken, sausage, and celery; threw it in the crock pot with a can of tomatoes, a can of chicken broth, and some seasonings; and when I got home tonight, I put in a bag of frozen shrimp and a cup of long grain rice. Next time, I'll cook the rice separately (it just didn't cook exactly right).

It doesn't get any easier than that. When I told Griffin what we were having, he started singing about his "ma cher amio." I love that my dad taught him that song!

Incorporating changes

2011-08-17T19:43:00.001-05:00

I'm so excited about everything I learned at the conference last weekend, I have to share what I've done already this week.

First, I checked out my grocery store's Sunday circular, compiled a shopping list according to my usual path through the grocery store, organized my coupons, and saved a whopping $91 (which is almost 40%). You can do the math, but that means I spent quite a bit, too. I've always clipped coupons. I usually find myself rifling through them in the middle of an aisle, weeding through the ones that are expired. But I've never paid any attention to the weekly circulars (in fact, I always get annoyed at the lady who stands in the doorway shoving them at people). Let me tell ya...that's where the savings are. Of course, some weeks there will be more of what I need on sale and some weeks less. This was a good week with lots of stuff on sale and lots of what I needed, but I am going to try to stick to a weekly shopping schedule and buy (almost exclusively) what's on sale. Obviously, there are necessities and paying their regular price can't be avoided. I'm not going all extreme and turning our living room into a stockpile pantry (you won't see me on TLC anytime soon), but I think I can make a real dent in the grocery budget.

Then, I planned our weeknight dinner menu based on what I got on sale...as opposed to planning a menu and buying what I need to make it (Duh! Honestly, most of this stuff is common sense, and I think to myself, why didn't I do this before? But, I actually did know a lot of it before...I just didn't appreciate how much simpler and more effective it was.)

So, London broil was on sale, and yesterday, we had it with mashed potatoes and a salad (with tomatoes and cucumbers straight from my dad's garden).

And tonight, we had steak tacos with the leftover. Brilliant.

I've also planned out (and when I say "plan," I mean got out the calendar and scheduled the actual day and activity) for our once a month "family day out" for the next six months. Some of those activities are totally free (picnic in the park); some are heavily discounted (zoo tickets that Scott got half price from work); and some cost a little more, but that's okay...as Jenny from Southern Savers put it, "I'm okay with spending money." The goal is not to become totally obsessive about getting stuff for free (whether it's something you need or not)...it's about knowing how to save when you can and getting the most for your money.

There was SO much useful advice and information that it's not even possible (for me at least) to incorporate all of it at once. But that actually is what makes it fun. It's a process. Next week, I may cover everything I own in fabric. Not really. But I do look at objects differently now. I'm seriously gonna get some mod podge and some pretty fabric and lock myself in a room.

Girls' getaway

2011-08-14T17:02:00.001-05:00

My sister-in-law, a stay-at-home mother of four, and I, a working mom of three, got the rare opportunity to leave the husbands and munchkins behind and head out for a weekend in the mountains.

Just us.

About to hit the road

Two days of freedom...from nose wiping, butt wiping, whining and yelling. Ahhhhh.

A chance to rejuvenate, relax, and enjoy the fellowship of 600 other wives and mamas...all thanks to 5 beautiful women who decided that blogging about their homes and families and sharing their tips for saving and budgeting and advice on mothering and decorating wasn't enough...they had the brilliant idea to get together and coordinate the first ever "Becoming" Conference and invite others to hear it and see it in person.

And, somehow, we lucked up and got to be there and join the fun. One day, I was checking the Nester's blog, and it just happened to be the very day reservations were opened, so I called...and that was the beginning of our perfect, first ever, girl's weekend getaway. All along the way, things "just happened" and fell right into place like that. We couldn't have planned it better.

It was like we were meant to do that. God didn't want us to miss it. And I'm so glad we did. We learned lots of creative and inspiring ways to redo things in our home and to enjoy the imperfections.

Getting our picture made with the Nester

We learned how to create memories with our kids and be more patient, more connected parents.

We learned tips and tricks for getting the most for our money and how to reuse and re-purpose things.

And we got to really enjoy each others' company and share the experience together.

Dinner out in downtown Asheville, NC

We happened upon this place...where we got to hear some live bluegrass, and it was REALLY good.

We both came away from it inspired and centered and balanced and renewed. And I'm so ready to start putting what we learned into practice.

Kindergarten

2011-08-05T08:54:00.000-05:00

My biggest boy is now a kindergartener! And I'm not even sad about it. Well maybe just a little bit. But not like I thought I would be. I'm actually really excited. Excited for him! Kindergarten is a big, new adventure in the life of a five-year-old. Lots of reading and writing and games and songs and new friends! Last night, before bed, as instructed, we opened the little card his teacher had sent us, and inside, there was a poem about the first day of school and a little packet of "jitter glitter" to put under his pillow...which he did, and he went to bed with the biggest smile on his face.

I'm so proud of the little boy he's grown into. When I look at his pretty face and his looong legs and fingers, I can still easily picture that little six-month-old, with the chubby, wubby face and pudgy, little fingers and roly poly legs, who would throw himself backwards onto the floor when he was upset (so much that we called him "the fainting goat"). And I can still easily picture that sweet, little two-year-old who had an obsession with vacuum cleaners and "Melmo" and who called Santa Claus, "Kanka Cause." These days, he likes to draw pictures of superheroes and chew gum and swim and fish and do stuff with Papa.

He's a growin' up. My boy. I don't know how it's possible, but he just keeps getting even more and more special to me. What a milestone...kindergarten!


First day of Preschool {August 11, 2009}

First day of Kindergarten {August 5, 2011}

Yet another post about Emory's hair

2011-08-03T10:01:00.005-05:00

Oh, mercy! Oh, my goodness! Emory lost his curls...again. I recovered nicely from his first shearing...and his curls grew back. And he's actually had another haircut since then (at which time, I was a little more explicit with my "just a trim" instructions). But yesterday, while I was busy doing something with Rowan after school, Scott took Emory for a haircut. And Scott, the one who had such serious reservations about ever getting it cut at all in the first two and a half years of the boy's life, ASKED for it to be cut short.

I've been so busy lately with back to school stuff, Griffin starting kindergarten, Emory starting preschool, Rowan adjusting to daycare, etc.; I've been schlepping around to different stores (in this heat), buying school supplies, new shoes, clothes, etc.; and just generally trying to keep up with everyone's stuff. Emory needed a haircut, and it was a real timesaver to me for Scott to take him. However, because Scott is as in love with Emory's curls as I am, I neglected to give him any instructions at all. Emory's hair does not lend itself to many "hairstyles"...it does its own thing. Therefore, the only real decision is the length of the cut.

When they got home yesterday...I almost didn't recognize him. And I was totally unable to hide my initial shock and disappointment. I'm not sure exactly what my reaction was, but I know I gasped, which was followed by a relatively short rant that went something like, "What did you do?" "Why'd you do that?" "What were you thinking?" Then, I managed to rein it in and smile and tell Emory how handsome he looked. He likes it, and that's what matters. And I like it too...now...I think. And it will grow back...just maybe not in time for our family pictures in 3 weeks. {Sigh}

Roll tide? I think not.

2011-07-31T17:06:00.000-05:00

This is for my crazy, practical joking, Alabama football fanatic cousin, Patrick...who actually went to the trouble of finding a miniature Bama t-shirt and shipping it to Rowan...complete with a note purporting to be from her orphanage saying that it was her favorite shirt and we had accidentally left it behind in China.

Clearly, she is not a Bama fan.

War eagle!!!!

The little cheerleader outfit is also a gift from Patrick (he's a pretty cool guy).

Ooooh...somebody made me MAD

2011-07-27T17:36:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging that frequently lately. I just haven't had much to say...or time to say it. But today...today something happened to me that if I don't let it out, I'm gonna bust. And my favorite way to let things out is to write about it, so here it is.

Ten weeks home with Rowan, and she still doesn't have a social security number. For those who are familiar with the process, we checked "yes" on the DS-230 form, indicating that we want her card mailed to us automatically...and for those who are familiar with the process, a lot of damn good that did us. For those who aren't familiar, just take my word, I have filled out and submitted and provided every form and document required for my child to be given a social security number. So today (after one 30-minute unsuccessful attempt to speak to a live person at the SS Administration), I went down to where a representative from our local office goes twice a month (our actual local office is a one-hour drive away), I waited my turn (over an hour), I provided the man with the originals and copies of every document he could possibly need, and he proceeded to tell me the WRONG information (that I needed to do a readoption before applying for a SSN. Trust me, he's wrong). I argued with him for about ten minutes and finally left, having accomplished absolutely nothing.

Then, I called the SSA...and miracle of miracles...I actually got to speak to a live person...I mean, bozo. I explained the whole situation, and he agreed with me that the other man had given me incorrect information. Then, he asked whether we had ever adopted internationally before. I started to answer, "no," but instead I asked, "Why?" "How is that relevant to this?" (I thought, maybe I'm missing something here? - why does he need to know that). He responded that he just wanted to determine my "level of intelligence" about the adoption process. I told him that I did not need him to evaluate my intelligence and asked if he'd ever adopted internationally, to which he replied, "no." Then, I said that I'm fairly confident, then, that I know more about it than he does and that all I need from him was to help me get my child (a U.S. citizen) a social security number. THEN....he remarked (in a very snide tone), "Well, there are plenty of kids here [who need families]." I said, "What does that mean?" and he stuttered and stumbled a little. I told him that his comment was rude and unnecessary and outside the scope of his job and I took it as a personal attack. And he hung up on me.

What nerve?! If only I had gotten his name before he hung up...better yet, if only I'd been able to reach through that phone, grab a hold of his throat and tell him that he need not judge me and my husband for the way in which we chose to grow our family...that I didn't call him to debate domestic vs. international adoption...and that every time a child gets a family and a family gets a child is a good thing.

Then, I wrote to my Congressman. And now, I guess, I'll be making that one-hour drive to the actual office...armed with every scrap of documentation in my possession...and every ounce of patience I can muster.

Sheesh!

Under the weather

2011-07-17T17:20:00.000-05:00

In fact, the weather is sitting its big fat, hot, bright sunshiny butt on top of me. Summer colds are the worst. I started sneezing a couple of days ago, and I've spent the entire weekend wiping noses and feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to point fingers...BUT, the other day when I was dropping off Emory and Rowan at school, I saw a little boy out of the corner of my eye, and he was tugging on the teacher's pants leg, saying, "Look. Look." I looked over, and he had a snot glob hanging from his nose down past his chin. Okay, I'm just gonna go ahead and blame him...I don't know his name, but he seems like an easy target. He must have infected my kids, who in turn, infected me. They don't seem quite as bothered by it as me though. Their noses run, their eyes look watery, and they wake up coughing...but despite all that, they can still run and romp and play. I don't get it. Scott has taken them to his parents' house for awhile to give me some quiet. I managed to get a shower, put on my darkest pair of sunglasses, and drive myself to get a big, ice cold, chocolatey drink.

And that's my post for this week. Sorry. Maybe something more thrilling and exciting will happen next week.

Two months

2011-07-09T12:36:00.003-05:00

This was two months ago (today)...

...a sad and frightened little girl, just taken from her home and family,

with no comprehension of why.

Forced to trust us, she has come a long way in just two short months.

This is her now.

She's friendly.

She laughs and smiles.

She plays with her brothers (and fights with her brothers).

She's very, very bright, and she tries so hard to learn.

Learning to communicate,

and learning a routine,

and what is expected and what is not.

Learning our roles in her life and her place in our family.

I can see the little gears turning in her head all day long.

She wants to belong, and we want desperately for her to feel like she does.

The progress is pretty amazing so far. We ALL take baby steps forward (and some backward) daily.

Ups and downs...good days and bad...

we are a FAMILY.

Happy (2-month) Family Day to us!

I have a little helper

2011-07-09T07:51:00.001-05:00

and his name is Griffin. In the last year, the two necessary components: his eagerness to help and his ability to do things that are helpful, have collided, making him quite the little helper. And you better believe I'm taking full advantage of it.

When it's time to pick up toys, he usually bears the brunt of this job. While Emory and Rowan are both perfectly capable...they're, shall we say, easily distracted. Griffin not only puts them away, but in their proper place most of the time.

One chore that seems to need doing at least 2 or 3 times a DAY is vacuuming crumbs. (Incredibly, the kids can make crumbs faster than the vacuum can suck them up.)

Griffin has that covered...even if he has to interrupt his army games (hence the backpack and bike helmet) to do it. He's all over that one.

He helps me make blueberry muffins on Saturday mornings.

He (almost always) puts his dirty clothes in the laundry room, and he (sometimes) puts his clean clothes away in the dresser...which, I have to admit, I'm the world's worst at doing. For some reason, I despise that one final step in the whole laundry process.


Embarrassing? Yes. But, just to show you what I'm talking about...this chair's main function is to provide a place for which to stack laundry...and this pile has been sitting there waiting to go back to its home for going on two weeks.

I'm constantly impressed by Griffin's abilities and his attitude and his willingness to learn and be helpful.

There are a few basic chores that I am bound and determined to teach all my kids. Long before they leave this nest, they will know how to properly wash clothes. They will know how to cook a meal (nothing extravagant, just a few staples). They will know how to make a budget and save for a goal. They will know how to make a bed and unload a dishwasher...just to name a few.

I'm fully aware that this little endeavor (to teach and involve the children in household chores) is going to require more effort on my part than theirs. I'm the type of person who works best alone, and I like things done a particular way. But at least I recognize that...and that's step one to making a change, right?

And I hope that while teaching them how to do these things, I'm also able to impart the value of self-sufficiency. We'll see. Check back with me in about ten years.

She is...an American girl!

2011-07-03T06:48:00.005-05:00

Fireworks on the 4th, hearing the National Anthem sung, seeing the most beautiful flag in the world waving proudly...all things that give me chills.

Watching fireworks last night with my little girl on my lap and my three guys beside me was especially enjoyable.

Happy Fourth of July, y'all!!!

To see lots of other adorable little Americans, go to We Are Grafted In, where Kelly has put together a beautiful post celebrating them.

Sunday snapshot: The River

2011-06-26T16:05:00.002-05:00

My grandfather bought a lot on the Tennessee River in the 1960s, and every summer since, four generations of family and friends have descended on it like honey bees to a wildflower.

And that's what we did this weekend.

I've written about my childhood summers on the river before...and I'm so blessed to be watching my kids have the same experiences.

And with all these new grandkids...

The older generation may just be outnumbered.

With so much stuff to do though, we wore those kids out.

There were bubbles and baby pools.

And football and slip and slide.

And, of course, the river.

Rowan even caught a fish!

And between all the fun and excitement, there was a little resting and relaxing.

Bloggy got a brand new look

2011-06-23T21:49:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally gave my blog a long overdue, desperately needed makeover. If anyone has been reading it as long as I've been bloggin' it, you're probably as sick of the old one as I was.

I gave up on Scott (who, by the way, actually does web design...hello?). I gave him a rough draft of a few ideas I wanted...oh, I don't know...a while ago, and he hasn't gotten to it yet. He says he's "swamped," and I guess I'll give him a break. After all, he does have a full-time job, he's helping me raise three kids, he spent half of last month in China, and he's trying to get some other web stuff done on the side for someone who's actually going to pay him. I guess that qualifies as "swamped."

Anyway, I like it. It's fresh. And new. It still needs a little tweaking, I think. And...one thing I'm not going to stop insisting Scott help me with...I WANT A HORIZONTAL MENU BAR...and I don't know how to do it.

Oh, and I also finally started organizing and storing photos online (in the event this dinosaur Mac bites the dust...which could very well happen...and I would lose all of my thousands, yes thousands, of precious pictures). So, I've become hooked on Photobucket. I'm obsessed. And I want to collage everything in sight.

Just call me "Me Ma"

2011-06-23T15:10:00.001-05:00

Not Memaw. My grandmother was Memaw. But Me Ma. That's what Rowan is calling me, which...after being with us now for 6 and a half weeks...is better than nothing. She means to say, Mommy, but she just inverts the syllables...that's all...no biggie.

We were kind of careful not to refer to me as "Mama" in China being that she ~~totally hated~~ was not all that warm towards me at first, and she desperately missed her foster "mama" those first days. So, we distinguished me from her, and Scott called me "Mommy" and that's what the boys call me...so that's what we've been trying to teach her. And she's finally saying it...almost.

I think she had pretty advanced language skills in China. We didn't understand a word, but our guide said she was saying many words and even using 2 or 3 word sentences. It was mixed in with some babbling, but our guide was impressed. And I'd say at 19 months, that is pretty impressive.

While her receptive language seems to be improving every single day, her English so far consists only of hello, bye bye, more, gone gone, night night...and now, Mommy! I mean, Me Ma. She tries to say Daddy and Griffin sometimes, but I haven't heard her try Emory (even though they've turned into each others' shadow). She'll get it. She's a smart girl.

It's a love without end, Amen.

2011-06-19T06:44:00.001-05:00

To my daddy,

and my children's daddy,

and to ALL of the good, good daddies I know,

who have raised and are raising good, good kids,

thank you!

There is no substitute for a father's affection, love and guidance.

They play, and they laugh.

They comfort and protect.

They teach and encourage.

Happy Father's Day!

Me time

2011-06-16T19:13:00.001-05:00

Wanna know what I did today? Well...after I dropped off all three kidlets at their respective daycare/schools, I headed straight to the pool, where I sunbathed and swam all morning...by myself. Then I came home and ate a bite of lunch...by myself. And napped the afternoon away...by myself.

And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. I can justify it as follows:
1. Other than the first couple of days we were home with Rowan and a week at vacation bible school, the boys have stayed in daycare while I've been doing my best to bond with Rowan for the weeks I'm on adoption leave. Luckily, I'm getting paid for those weeks, so we were able to afford to maintain that routine for the boys.
2. Griffin started a new school this week...he was bored with daycare, so he's now going to an elementary school summer day camp (as he gets ready to start kindergarten this fall *sniff*), and I didn't want to disturb his adjustment to his new school routine in the first week.
3. I thought it would be a good idea to slowly introduce Rowan to daycare before I return to work, so she's going to start going a day or two a week...and she's enjoying it quite well.

I do feel slightly guilty that I didn't get some work done (although I'm technically on leave, I had hoped to get some work from home done once we got settled). And I feel a little guilty that I canceled plans to hang out with my nieces and their mom today. But, after Rowan had her vaccinations yesterday and wasn't feeling too well last night, and I was afraid to keep Griffin out of school during his first week there until he's adjusted well, I texted her and asked to put it off, and...as a mother of 2, very soon to be 3, kiddos herself...she was completely understanding. Besides, we're spending next weekend with them at the river.

Soooo...I got some rare "me time"...and lots of Vitamin D and just the right amount of color (not burnt and not too Jersey Shore)...and some much needed rest.

I needed that. I deserved that. And I (and my kids) are better for it.

I emailed this pic to Scott at work...he gets plenty of his own "me time."

big boy panties

2011-06-08T13:31:00.000-05:00

Scott rues the day I started calling the boys' underwear "panties." I'm even embarrassed about it now. I didn't really expect it to take off like it did. When Griffin started wearing them, I just thought it was easier to say...and cute. And I really haven't thought twice about it since. We (me and the boys) all just say panties...what's the big deal? (Think what you will.) Well, recently Griffin came home from school (daycare), and as he was stripping down to get in the tub, I asked him to pick up his panties from the floor and take them to the laundry room. He informed me that they're not called "panties"...boys call them "underwear." Well, excuuuuse me. I really hope someone at school didn't have to correct him...or if they did, I hope he wasn't too embarrassed. So, now he knows. Boys don't call them panties...they call them underwear. So noted. This may save him some major embarrassment down the road.

Now...hip, hip, HOORAY!...Emory has started wearing his big boy panties. Having learned from his brother's mistakes, apparently, he's not fallin' for that. Anyway...Emory is now wearing "big boy uhna-wears" and I am SO proud of him. And he's a little eaten up with pride for himself.

Now, the funniest (and I do mean F-U-N-N-Y) thing happened in the first day or two of him ditching diapers. He went to the potty all by himself (I was too busy doing who knows what), and I heard him yelling for me. Then, I saw him come hobbling out of the bathroom...stretching and tugging and pulling at his underwear...and whining that he couldn't get them up. When he finally got to where I was, they were bunched up and rolled up into his chunky little butt so tight, I couldn't tell where they began and where they ended...and the front?...well, let's just not go there (one word comes to mind...strangulation). If ONLY I'd had time to get my camera. I will just have to store that mental image in my memory for as long as I possibly can. I cannot stop chuckling every single time I remember it. I had to yell for Scott to come see before Emory had a chance to try to fix them. He's now had several days of practice with it, so I don't think I'll get to see that again. But, if I need a good laugh, I just conjure up that image...oh, Lord!...may that image never leave the recesses of my mind.

answered prayers

2011-06-07T20:08:00.000-05:00

How one little bitty girl contains this much courage and strength, I just don't know.

On Monday, we went to the doctor...where she was poked and prodded...and weighed and measured...and had umpteen viles of blood drawn from her tiny little arm. First stop was the international adoption pediatrician. The nurse and assistant were discussing whether to try to put one of those "bag" things on her to try and catch her urine, and I said, "Oh, she'll go in the potty"...so they gave me a container and off to the bathroom we went...where she literally...at 20 months old...peed in a cup. Unbelievable. She weighs 24 pounds and is 30 inches tall. Big girl! Her growth is right on track.

She sat and played quietly while the doctor and I talked, and I answered lots of questions.

On a side note, we also got a resolution to Poopalooza 2011...whatever was causing it was not Giardia, the dreaded parasite. We're not sure what was causing it (most likely, the changes in diet and oh, just about everything else in her life), but it has gotten lots better now, and her appetite is back (in a fierce way), so we'll just chalk it up to tummy troubles.

Then, we visited the pediatric cardiologist, where she had an echocardiogram done on her tiny, little heart. She was an absolute angel. She laid there so still and calm. And the third and final stop was the lab, being that there was just no maintaining a good mood after having all...that...blood...drawn.

waiting outside the echo lab

We accepted the referral of our girl knowing that it was a possibility (albeit fairly remote, based on her Chinese medical records) that she could need open heart surgery...or any number of less invasive treatments. While I have no doubt that she could have handled it...she's already endured so much pain and trauma in her short life and still manages to keep a lovely, infectious smile on her adorable, little face...quite honestly, I'm not sure if we could have handled it. We thought we could. Or we wouldn't have accepted her referral. Everyone says, "prepare for the worst and hope for the best." Well, I don't know how exactly you ever prepare for the worst. When the worst in life happens, you handle it the best way you know how. But, "prepare" for it? It's more like, research and familiarize yourself with worst-case scenarios; be realistic about expectations; talk to others and have resources available to you; and brace yourself for whatever comes.

But, now that she's here, and I find myself overwhelmed some days by the little things...like the whining and the diarrhea and the occasional sleep issues...I seriously wonder if I could have handled anything more. This whole thing is harder than I ever knew (and we actually have it very easy). I thought I knew...but I didn't. And that's why I say, how do you really prepare for it? You don't know how you're going to deal with something until you're actually dealing with it. I feel guilty for even talking about my "struggles" because they're so minor (compared to others)...and we've been really, really BLESSED...in so many ways.

So, the doctor called today to say that she reviewed her echo...and

this little heart is strong...as strong as the little person whose body it beats for. The VSD is still there, but it's very small, and there is a "flap" of tissue covering it, so there is almost no blood flow between the chambers. There is no need for surgical intervention or any other treatment at this time. We will see the cardiologist to get a full evaluation and will probably have to monitor it occasionally, but this is very good news. Also, her lab results were perfect. She's one healthy little girl.

Bottom line is...God knows what I can and can't handle, and He gave us this little darling, who's actually making it easy for us to attach and bond...who has very few, if any, medical issues...who is cute as a button and smart as a whip. And it is by His grace that she's here with us and that we get to be her parents. So, I'll remember that on the "hard" days. God healed her heart. And with His love and His guidance, in time, we'll do our best to heal the other, invisible hole in her heart that was left by everything she's lost.

Sunday snapshot: summertime baths

2011-06-05T06:22:00.003-05:00

You might be a redneck if...

you've ever bathed your kids in a kiddie pool.

For real.

Please tell me I'm not the only person who's ever done this.

The opportunity presented itself...and I just couldn't resist.

It was just so convenient...

and easy...

And I'm all about ease and convenience these days.

Oh, and lots of FUN for them, too.

That's Emory's "blink face" by the way.

Bad hair day?

2011-06-01T17:06:00.000-05:00

Ironically, she has hair just like my grandfather had.

Holy poop II

2011-05-31T07:48:00.000-05:00

I previously wrote about poop in a post titled Holy poop!...but that was nothing compared to the poopalooza that Rowan has brought into our lives. Sorry. But, what mom hasn't talked about their kids' poop at one point or another? As soon as I bragged about her being potty-trained (and I wasn't lying...she is...was)...I mean, that very same day (karma?)...I went through a pack of diapers and a box of wipes in one day. Have you ever?

Bless her sweet heart...I hate to even make light of it because it could be (we don't know yet) a parasite. Or it could be a virus...or a food aversion...or just the changes in diet and environment...we have no idea...yet. Three kids...and easily hundreds (if not thousands) of diaper changes...stomach bugs, etc....and I have NEVER been so up to my elbows in poop. Nor have I ever had to collect a "sample"...which has brought me closer and far more intimate with poop than I ever dreamed or wished to be.

I hope we figure it out soon and give this little girl (and me) some relief.

Sunday snapshot: 3 kids in a hammock

2011-05-29T06:02:00.002-05:00

For all of you picture taking moms out there with more than one child, one word...HAMMOCKS...they keep them confined long enough to get a couple of decent shots.

What a blessing it is to have all three of them together at last.

10 days home. And we're all adjusting so very well.

There are difficult days. And difficult hours. And difficult moments.

But, she is settling in...right where she belongs.

It's a perfect fit.

And as prepared as we tried to be to accept her into this family...most of the credit goes to her happy, playful, loving, well-adjusted little self.

Oh, and did I mention she's potty-trained?

And that she sleeps through the night?

Before you start hating me...I have a three-year-old who's not potty-trained. Maybe his little sister can teach him a thing or two.

first kiss

2011-05-26T06:24:00.000-05:00

I got my first kiss from Rowan yesterday. Actually, I got lots and lots of Rowan kisses. Since Scott went back to work on Monday, she's latched on to me pretty well (and, out of necessity, loosened her grip on him).

I think we've finally all emerged from the sleep deprived, jet lagged fog. Rowan is sleeping well...in her crib. Before you call DCS on me, she has not had anymore crib diving episodes. We've learned that we cannot ~~leave~~ creep quietly and slowly out of the room until she is completely relaxed and pretty much sound asleep. Then we have to duct tape the boys' mouths shut so as not to disturb her (just kidding). Once she settles into a good sleep, she sleeps great...all night...which has helped me to get the sleep I need to get myself back from waking at obscene hours in the morning and sleeping the afternoons away like a vampire.

On Tuesday, I actually felt brave enough to take all three kiddos to Nashville for a little outing. First, we met my nieces and their mom (at a location I can't reveal because it has to do with Father's Day, and my husband does occasionally read my blog). In case you're not counting, that's 5 kids, ages 5 and under, and 2 adults. We finished our crafty projects (hint, hint) and had lunch at a McD's with a big, indoor playground. That was enough to put everyone (me included) in the mood for a nap, so we headed home. The kids behaved very well, and they had a lot of fun. I don't have pictures because (in my confused, sleep-deprived state) I forgot the camera. But, trust me, it was a good day.

So, back to the kisses...yesterday, my parents took me and Rowan out to lunch. We were sitting in the booth at Ace's, and between chocolate milkshake slurps, Rowan laid a big one on me. I asked her for a kiss, and (proof that she is understanding a little English), she smacked her lips right on mine. And, as if that wasn't enough, she kept doing it...like it was a game (a really fun game). She's so squeezable. And she's becoming so lovable. And she has such a sparkle in her eyes. She's really starting to open up to us...and we're really falling in love with her.

Thoughtful words of another mom

2011-05-22T06:15:00.000-05:00

There are some blogs (not all adoption related) that I try my best to keep up with and read regularly because they offer perspective and truth that I don't always see so clearly. "We are Grafted in" is one of them. As I sit here in the early morning hours, apparently the only one in my family suffering from this severe jet lag, I was occupying myself by catching up on my favorite blogs, and I came across this post, and it made me cry...because I am right smack in the middle of all these feelings...and if I were more eloquent and thoughtful with my words, I could have written it myself. Just thought I would share in case there is someone reading my blog who's experiencing the same stuff.

The first 72 hours

2011-05-22T04:45:00.001-05:00

We've been home for three days now, and it's been...challenging...at times. For the most part, though, we've taken it very easy, and everyone is settling in pretty well. The boys love their little sister...in a new toy kind of way. They're enamored with her. And they've been treating her so kindly and they're so sweet to her. They're watchful of her and gentle and patient with her. They entertain her and involve her. And they take every opportunity to try to teach her...about what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. And she's learning...quickly. She participates in their play. She quietly observes. She is probably just as enamored with them as they are with her. On Friday, Scott and I collectively decided that it would be a good idea to take the boys to daycare (he needed a little time on the golf course, and I knew Rowan and I would need naps that exceeded the boys' usual naptimes) or it was going to be a long weekend. So, Rowan and I took the boys to school, and when we got into Emory's class, she wanted down. I put her down, and she immediately started playing with some toys in the floor and all the other little munchkins gathered around her. When one of them got a little too close to her for Emory's comfort, he proudly (and a little threateningly) declared, "Dat MY baby."

Jet lag is rough. We arrived home Wednesday night, right around everyone's usual bedtime. It took a little longer than normal to settle down from all the excitement, but we all went to sleep just fine (albeit just a little later than usual) and slept all night. The next day, Scott and I felt pretty good. I did several loads of laundry, opened and sorted two weeks worth or mail, played with the kids, unpacked, ate, had a couple of visitors...and it was a good day. Rowan laid down (in her crib, by the way...more on that later) at the same time as the boys, and they all took good naps. I decided not to nap and took the opportunity to get a few more things done. I thought that with a good night's sleep and a productive day, we were already back on track...and that the 11 bucks I spent buying "No Jet Lag" on Amazon had been a wise decision (they're these homeopathic tablet things, and 9 out of 10 reviews I read said they worked...so we took them on the way home...religiously...landings, take offs, every two hours, the whole bit). Well, they didn't work. Thursday night, I slept 4 hours...midnight to 4 a.m., and Friday, I took a shockingly long nap (longer than I slept the previous night). And that has been the pattern for the past two days. I think the gap is shortening, but I just feel out of whack and out of sorts. I awake from the daytime naps all groggy and like I could sleep another several hours, and I wake up early in the mornings feeling totally rested.

Luckily, however, Rowan is on the same schedule. She's actually sleeping pretty well at night, only waking occasionally. That's probably just because she's flat exhausted from all the changes in her life. We had already prepared ourselves that she would probably sleep best with us (as she had always slept with her foster parents), so that's what we did in China and the first night home. But, on Thursday, for her nap, I got a wild hair, and decided to rock her in her room and lay her in her crib. I know. Crazy. To my total surprise, she actually did it! Not only did she sleep in her crib, she let me...ME...put her down. So, we decided to run with it, and continued naps and nighttime in the crib. Then, last night, she was more difficult to lay down...crying and screaming and overly tired and inconsolable...and probably sad and confused. She finally just kind of gave up and fell asleep, and I laid her down and walked out. A few minutes later, I heard her crying again...and then a big "thud." She had fallen(?)...leaped out of her crib. We actually tried again, thinking that if she would just relax and fall into a good sleep, she wouldn't do that again...but she did. So, needless to say, she slept in our bed again. Now, we have to find a better solution...toddler bed?....big girl bed? (both of which obviously won't contain her). I don't know what to do, and I'm not going to worry too much about it until I'm more confident that I'm thinking clearly again.

As to the big A word...attachment. She still doesn't like me that much. It's not even that she doesn't like me that much...because when we spend time alone together, she's fine. She comes to me, she smiles at me, she's calm and happy and relaxed (mostly), but when she's tired or hungry or upset...I cannot help her...and I only seem to make it worse. And if she wants Scott, I do only make it worse. She sees me as an obstacle to him, and if I look at her (much less try to touch her or soothe her), she shoots me a death look. She and I just don't have a real connection yet. And, while I totally understand and accept that...it's hard. I was not expecting an instant connection...in fact, I'd be worried about her if she did instantly connect with me. I have to constantly remind myself that I'm the adult, that she doesn't have any responsibility to grow this relationship, that her emotions are bigger and harder for her to handle than mine are for me to handle...and that eventually, in time, we will both grow to love each other.

But, I can't help but compare, I guess, my experiences. With my sons, they were so completely dependent on me for everything, and we had all those special newborn weeks together and nature itself to form our bond. With Rowan, she came to me with a personality...life experiences...a healthy toddler independence...and she doesn't really need me or want me. And neither of us really know each other...each other's quirks, and likes and dislikes, and temperaments. So, while it's going to take some time to establish this relationship, it's just hard not knowing what exactly to do to make it easier for her...how close to get and how much distance to keep so as not to further her seeming anger and resentment towards me. I'm being rejected by my child, and she's being taken care of by a stranger, and it's just uncomfortable and unnatural for everyone. It's hard not to get a little discouraged.

I haven't been near as "shutter happy" here as I was in China, but I have taken just a few pictures of just the "everyday stuff."

Homecoming {video}

2011-05-19T15:25:00.004-05:00

If you have trouble viewing,
you can also see it here.

I'll post more about our first days home later...
when my brain starts working again.

Home at last...

2011-05-19T08:05:00.002-05:00

thank God almighty! We're home at last. We left our hotel in China early Wednesday morning (China time) and arrived in Nashville Wednesday evening (Central Standard time). That means, we were in airports and on airplanes for 26 long hours. In the last two weeks, Scott and I have been in 7 different airports, in 7 different cities, on 7 different flights...and have literally flown around the world. We left Nashville and went east to China (over Greenland and Russia), traveled to 3 different cities inside China, and came home east (over the Pacific Ocean). That's a lot of flying. And with that much flying, there are some nuisances to be expected...a few of those flights were delayed; of course, there was the flight from hell that I've already recounted in too much detail; and I know now to avoid Houston's (unnecessarily large and sprawling) airport should I ever have the option to make a connection there again. But, overall, we got pretty lucky.

On the "long flight" home (from Tokyo to Houston), we worried and fretted about Rowan and about ourselves (could we survive another long flight?) and whether we would make the connections on both ends...and turns out, it was as smooth as we ever could have hoped for (thanks to all who were praying for us). I intentionally reserved for us a window and aisle seat (crossing my fingers that the one between us would be unoccupied since we just bought Rowan a lap ticket). After we boarded and got settled, I nervously bit my fingernails and sweated bullets until every last passenger was on that plane and seated. Not only would the flight have been miserable for us and Rowan if she'd had to spend it either in Scott's lap or in mine (screaming to be in Scott's lap), but I would have had to face Scott's wrath for having decided not to purchase her own (irrationally expensive) seat. I've never felt so relieved when the stream of passengers thinned and that seat remained empty. She slept a lot of the flight, and when she wasn't sleeping, she sat happily in her own seat and occupied herself pretty well. There was very little crying (from any of us), and all of our flights were on time (amazingly). I'm so proud of us for making it that far without killing each other or anyone else (because I did want to kill a few people in the Houston airport).

Anyway, we finally made it to Nashville, and just as my legs could hardly take another step, I heard shouts and cheers and, at the end of that last long corridor, I could see our beautiful families holding banners and balloons and waving. And I have NEVER been so happy to see all those faces. I couldn't hold back the tears...tears of relief and joy...to see my sweet boys again was so overwhelming...my heart swelled...and to hold them and kiss them was exactly what I needed and longed for. It was perfect. The best homecoming ever.

Rowan just stood there amongst all the craziness and seemed to just take it all in. We thought twice about overwhelming her with a big reception, but even just our immediate families (with all the little nieces and nephews) is always a little chaotic, and they were all so excited to see her. So, we knew that her first meeting with everyone would be that way (whether it was in the Nashville airport or at my in-laws' for Sunday dinner). She did great...she even seemed to enjoy it. I think she was glad to finally see some other kids. Emory could not stop kissing her cheek. It was the cutest, sweetest thing I've ever seen. Even after we got home, he would randomly walk up to her, lean over, and give her spontaneous kisses on the cheek (which she accepted just fine). Griffin tried so hard to talk to her...and he wanted so badly for her to understand him. He called her by her Chinese name and told her she was his "mei mei" and he was her "guh guh." When we got in the car to leave, she was a little afraid of the car seat (she's very likely never been in one before), so the boys gave her all their sleeping apparatus (Lumpy Bear, Froggie, blankies) to comfort her, and it worked. She sat quietly (probably just a little stunned) for the whole drive home.

Once we got home, they were so eager to show her their rooms and their toys...and Emory continued to kiss her cheek every time it caught his eye. We finally got settled and into our pajamas and in bed. The boys fell fast asleep and we were not far behind them. And we all slept all night. I know it's going to take a few days (at least) to adjust back to this time zone; a few weeks (at least) to adjust to a new routine; and probably several months (or more) for Rowan to adjust to her new surroundings and family.

Thanks to everyone for all your prayers (they were answered). Thanks to our amazing parents for keeping the boys safe and loved, for loving and supporting us, for stocking the fridge and mowing the grass, for EVERYTHING YOU DO for us! Thanks to all our friends for encouraging and supporting us with your uplifting comments. We are so blessed.

Day 3 (continued)

2011-05-16T18:37:00.002-05:00

First of all, for those of you wondering, we're staying at the Victory Hotel. I have to say that the things I complained of (the noise and soap rationing) are probably a pretty fair trade off. I haven't seen the rooms at the White Swan, but I have seen the lobby, and from what I've heard, the lobby is huge and opulent, but the rooms are pretty standard. At the victory, the lobby is nothing special, but the rooms are nice. And I like having a balcony. The mosquitos are everywhere...not a factor in deciding which hotel to stay at...just bring bug spray.

So, as to what we actually did yesterday (despite my last post, we didn't just sit around feeling miserable), we had our Consulate appointment bright and early. Nothing really to say about that. It was very...government-like. We sat in a room with several other adoptive families, took an oath that the information we've provided in all...those...forms was correct, and handed over everything they need to issue Rowan's visa, which our agency will pick up today...so we can LEAVE TOMORROW!!!

Before leaving for the Consulate appointment (sorry it's blurry). There are no cameras allowed there, so this is all we have from that (but the visa is all we need).

Then, we went with our group to the Guangzhou Safari Park. We were tired and hungry (since we missed breakfast) before we left. It was also raining on and off, and when it wasn't raining, the humidity and fog was so thick, you couldn't see ten feet in front of you. But we decided to go anyway. It has the most animals of any zoo in China, and we didn't want to miss it. We do really like the people in our group, and we like spending time with them, but had we been on our own and gone through at our own pace, we probably would have been done hours earlier. As you might have gleaned from my last post, my patience is wearing thin, and I'm just about over this trip. But I'm glad we went. I really wish the boys could have seen it in person, but at least we have pictures of all the animals to show them. And here they are:

Souvenir shop full o'pandas

Scott captured the exact moment she realized what was standing next to her

Pretty much had enough at this point

Finally, for dinner last night, we had Papa John's pizza...delivered. It was as expensive as home (if not more), but it was worth every yuan.

And, today (Day 4...the last day...praise the Lord), we don't have any plans other than to spend the rest of our Chinese money (I'm not even going to deal with the hassle of exchanging it back).

Guangzhou {Day 3}

2011-05-16T06:44:00.000-05:00

Okay. So the first couple of days here was paradise, but I'm ready to complain a little. I'm homesick. I miss my boys. Rowan's grieving spells and my complete inability to comfort her through them is all making us a little (a lot) on edge. So, I'm about to let loose on here since I feel like I have no other outlet right now.

The horn-honking is INSANE and completely unnecessary. While the floor to ceiling old french doors in our room are beautiful, they do absolutely NOTHING for sound protection. It never fails. The moment she relaxes and settles down and her eyes begin to shut, some maniac in the street below us lays on his f*ing horn, and Scott is seriously about to throw a chair off the balcony onto some unsuspecting cab driver.

Our hotel is oddly stingy with its free stuff...stuff like soap and instant coffee packets. Yesterday, housekeeping did not restock our supply of coffee, so I called the front desk and asked for some and was told we would get charged for anything above 2 coffee packets per day. I told them we didn't get any that day (which is the honest truth), and they begrudgingly brought us 2 more. Also, they gave us one little bar of hand soap that we, I guess, are supposed to remember to alternate between the shower and the sink, depending on where we need it. When it gets to be a thin sliver of nothing, they finally replace it.

I feel like we're on the island of "Attack of the Killer Mosquitos." If you are coming to Guangzhou anytime soon, PLEASE REMEMBER TO BRING BUG SPRAY. They're eating me alive. There are more mosquitos here than there are people in China...and that's really saying something.

Okay. That's all the complaints I can think of right now. Sorry. But after two weeks in a foreign country, we want something good and familiar to eat; we want to lie down in our own bed; we want to hug and kiss our boys; and we want to hear English again.

Thanks. And goodnight.

Guangzhou {Day 2}

2011-05-15T03:07:00.000-05:00

After Rowan's nap, she and I went walking around (I walked...she squeaked) to look at all the pretty flower gardens and sculptures. And, of course, I took pictures. The camera loves her...and she doesn't mind the camera.

The red couch

2011-05-15T01:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know why (maybe I should ask somebody), but it's a tradition that newly adopted children get their pictures taken in their traditional Chinese dress on "the" (there are more than one) red couch at the White Swan Hotel. So, that's what we did this morning.

First, we checked out the lobby...which is pretty grand...a huge coy pond, a waterfall, lush gardens.

I must say...Rowan looks pretty snazzy in her dress. Scott couldn't stop singing, "I'm too sexy for my Chinese silk" this morning.

She sat on the couch like a pro...

I couldn't find any silk bloomers...so you're just going to have to see the diaper.

And the family shot...

And all the kiddos...some were feelin' it...and some weren't.

Rowan tried to escape at the end...then she just laid down and put her "na na" over her face, which means, "I'm done."

Finally, the whole bunch of us in front of the waterfall.

Guangzhou {Day 1}

2011-05-14T17:41:00.000-05:00

We like it here on Shamian Island. It's safe and easy to maneuver. There are shops and restaurants that "cater" to adoptive families. And it's beautiful.

Out hotel room

Our balcony

Breakfast

Starbucks (next door to our hotel!)

Outside of our hotel

Waiting for dinner at the Cow & Bridge

Yesterday morning, we met our agency's travel group at the White Swan Hotel and walked to a little shop across the street for the kids' visa photos then down to the medical exam. The medical exam is required for the U.S. Consulate to issue Rowan's visa for entry into the States. It was organized chaos. We were given a medical evaluation form to carry around to three different stations (height/weight/temperature; ears/nose/throat; and general examination). There were (understandably) crying babies everywhere. It was hot and crowded. But, luckily, it didn't take all that long. And thanks to a new law that passed that now allows parents to waive their children's vaccinations until after returning home, she didn't have to get 7 or 8 needles stuck in her. Because she was crying when the doctor tried to listen to her heart, he took us into another room where it was more quiet and listened again...and again...and he did not hear a murmur. I want to feel relieved, but this was no echocardiogram at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, so of course we won't know the condition of her heart until we get home. But, I can tell you that whatever may be wrong does not slow her down ONE bit. This child has more energy than a duracel battery.

Waiting for visa photos

Today, we'll meet our group again at the White Swan for the traditional "red couch" pictures. There is a Christian church service we might try to attend (depending on Rowan's mood), and otherwise, we'll just take it easy. Happy Sunday to you all! We have 3 more days here and a FULL day of travel 'til HOME! Griffin showed us his countdown chain on Skype last night, and it is definitely getting shorter. We're all ready to be together again. I don't know who misses who (whom?) more.

The Promised Land

2011-05-13T18:27:00.000-05:00

We made it to Guangzhou last night. Amazingly, Rowan slept the entire flight. As soon as we boarded, I knew that it was going to be worlds better than the death trap of a plane we flew on the "flight from hell." (FYI - China Southern: good. Shenzhen Airlines: not good).

I had heard Shamian Island in Guangzhou described as peaceful and serene, where you can walk around freely and cross the street without fear of being mauled by oncoming traffic. It's all that and more. It's where the U.S. and many European embassies were once located, and therefore, it has a Victorian feel. There are tree-lined streets and big, beautiful flower beds...our hotel room has a balcony the size of my first apartment...birds chirping outside...and I hear there's a Starbucks. This is the next best thing to home...and it's one step closer to home. We have Rowan's visa medical appointment this morning, and then we can relax for the next two days until our Consulate appointment on Monday.

Will post pictures later...

The "real" China

2011-05-13T18:15:00.000-05:00

That's what our guide called the countryside village we visited yesterday about an hour outside of Nanning. It's the Yi Ling Village, population of 1,000, all of whom belong to three different families, all of the Zhuang ethnic minority. Our guide believes that Rowan has Zhuang features (big, round eyes and a flat, little nose). They were so kind to welcome us into their homes. Of course, we don't want to speculate, but it's possible that Rowan's birth family lived in a similar village somewhere outside of Liuzhou. I took LOTS of pictures, so enjoy...

The "meat market"

The produce market

Very sweet old man who stopped to talk to us

Temple high on the hill

Picking flowers

The village entrance

The first floor common area of the home we visited...

...occupied by the pigs being raised for slaughter

Rowan couldn't resist the the little boy (who lived there)'s toys

We got there at lunchtime

Second floor sleeping quarters

The little boy and his mom, whose home we visited

Playing with another kid's toy

Doing laundry

On the way back (very ladylike I might add)

The pain of it all

2011-05-11T05:16:00.003-05:00

There is some big, BIG sorrow down inside that little bitty, happy, laughing girl that we've known now for two whole days. And it finally came flooding out of her this afternoon. She snoozed on the way back from the park and didn't get her whole nap out, so she laid down late this afternoon for a real nap, and when she awoke, she was in pain...an emotional wreck like we have definitely not seen yet. She cried for "Mama"...a guttural, heart wrenching cry for what seemed like an hour or so. We laid with her and held her when she let us, and she just sobbed. And her whole body ached. It was really, really hard to see. It looks like the kind of pain you feel when you experience the death of someone you love very dearly...and really, that's what it is for her.

I want her to let it out. She needs to let it out. Not that I believe she's been holding it in (I don't think she's even capable of that yet). I just think it hadn't found its way out of her yet. But I hate that she has to suffer that pain at all. No one and a half year old child should know that kind of pain.

When it was over...it was over. She was happy and playful again...throwing flower window clings against the hotel windows. She's got a lot of spirit, that little girl. And she's got a lot of courage. She is as tough as she is sweet and beautiful. She's going to make it through this. We're all going to make it through. But the pain is real...very, very real.

People's Park

2011-05-11T03:22:00.000-05:00

Our guide took us to People's Park today. We thought it would be a good idea to let Rowan run around some and enjoy being outdoors and around people (she's very social) instead of being cooped up in the hotel room all morning. It was H-O-T. But very nice. Rowan was a little more friendly that I would have preferred with our guide, Jane. We love Jane. She's helpful and sweet and funny...but all I need right now is another woman bonding with my daughter. Call me selfish, but the only female whose hand I want her to reach for or whose lap I want her to sit in is mine. Anyway, I bit my tongue and held back the tears (because it did sting a little), and we had a good time. She fell asleep in the cab ride back to the hotel. This afternoon, I took her to Walmart (sans Daddy) to get some snacks. I carried her in the Ergo and let her pick out some M&Ms and...pretty much whatever else she wanted. She picked out an inflatable turtle for the bathtub, some milk (over which she had a meltdown when I had to give it to the lady to scan), and some noodles in a cup, which she wolfed down in 3 seconds flat when we got back to the room. Here are some pics from today.

Daddy's girl

2011-05-10T17:29:00.000-05:00

Being the positive thinker that I am, I predicted that Rowan would attach to Scott quicker and that I would be the one being rejected. That's what I had heard and read so many times...that children usually favor the new father over the new mother...it was even reiterated at the orientation on Saturday, and a few other families there who've already adopted before said the same thing. So, when she came to me at the Civil Affairs office and let me comfort her and clung to me on the way back to the hotel, I was so relieved. In the first hour or so, she even backed away anytime Scott tried to get too close, and she seemed to be a little afraid of him (we're pretty sure it was his height and bald head).

Well, all that's changed. She now wants pretty much nothing to do with me, and she is ALL about Scott. She realized pretty quickly that he's a lot of fun. He's silly and goofy and playful, and of course, she loves that.

The first night, she let me give her a bottle, and she fell asleep in my arms (it was pure heaven). But, now she will barely tolerate me being around her. She's been sleeping with us because we know that she slept with her foster parents, so we haven't even attempted to put her in her crib (we figured we can fix all that later and just enjoy being close to her now and do whatever makes her most comfortable). Well, she sleeps sideways in the bed (even if you turn her straight, she gets sideways again almost immediately). Guess who gets her head and who gets her feet...yep, I get kicked in the face and shoulders if I even attempt to get close to her.

Last night, we got to Skype the boys with her awake (the first night she fell asleep before it was late enough in the morning, their time, to see her). She sat in Scott's lap and babbled and talked and pointed at the computer. If I moved close enough to even get in the frame so the boys could see me, she pushed me away (more like punched me in the face).

It's hard. I know that someday she'll accept me as her mommy and love me too, but I'm not gonna lie. It's a little disheartening. Yesterday evening, I took her for a walk outside the hotel...without Scott...and she cried for him for a few minutes, but was quickly distracted. There's a large indoor/outdoor mall right beside and behind our hotel, so we went looking for something for her to eat. I got her a chocolate milk at a little bakery and she drank that while I carried her around, but I never could find something for her to eat. Nanning is not as English-speaking friendly as Beijing was...the menus are not in Chinese and English, and very few people (that we've encountered) outside of our hotel staff speak English. I couldn't figure out how to order plain rice or noodles, so I eventually gave up and got a bowl of congee from the hotel restaurant. Anyway, she was fine being with me alone, but it's not the same. She actually enjoys Scott...she just tolerates me.

After her nap yesterday, we took her swimming at the hotel pool. We figured the way she loves baths, she would like it. And she did. I was the one to get in with her, and she was fine, but Scott left to walk around a while and leave us alone, and she cried until he got back (just a few minutes).

At the adoption finalization appointment at the Civil Affairs office yesterday (where she officially became a Barrett!), we were given several gifts by the orphanage and foster family. One was a photo album that had pictures of her with her foster mom and dad. Back at the hotel, she started flipping through the album and pointed to a picture of her foster mom and said, "Mama." Then, she went to door and tried to open it and said, "Mama." My heart broke for her.

All in all, she's been very happy with us. But I know she misses them, and I know I'm not her favorite person right now, and I'm doing everything I can not to force myself on her, but at the same time, make little attempts to be close to her (as she allows it). I know it will take time, and I'm prepared to be patient for as long as it takes. I'm just so happy that she does like Scott so well. What if she hated both of us? What a nightmare that would be for everyone...especially her. Here are some pictures from yesterday.

SHE'S OURS!

2011-05-09T07:42:00.093-05:00

And she's PERFECT. When we arrived at the Civil Affairs office shortly after 3 p.m., we walked into the room where parents receive their children, and there were already three other families there. We sat down and waited. There was a lot of activity in the hallway as the different orphanage staff people were bringing in children to another room and coordinating paperwork, etc. (I'm not sure what all was going on...our hearts were racing). Another family showed up, and before we knew it, one family's child was brought in. They handed the girl directly over to the mother, and the child started wailing...and she wailed and wailed. It was so hard to watch. The joy of that mother...and the desperation in that child's face...and that mother's sadness for her daughter's pain filled the already anxious and emotional roomful of waiting parents. Then, another child was brought in, and another, and the crying multiplied. I braced myself to face the same inconsolable crying. But, we just waited. Then, our guide came back in and said they were bringing two children from Liuzhou and they hadn't gotten there yet. So, we waited and the crying and commotion buzzed all around us.

Suddenly, I saw 3 or 4 women walk by the door carrying two little girls in matching dresses, and I knew one of them was ours. When they came inside, I knew her immediately. Within just a few minutes, they handed her to me. She didn't cry, but she did stiffen up a little. She was wary but not really upset. She slowly relaxed and as soon as I opened the bowl of Cheerios, she started popping them in her mouth. We just stood there and held her and the world around us just kind of disappeared...the noise seemed to hush. Everything seemed so perfect. It really, really felt like she knew us and was expecting us. I credit her foster mother for loving her and getting her familiar with our faces, but at only 19 months old, she can't have really understood.

We got the opportunity to sit down and ask the orphanage ladies some questions we had, and they were so nice and helpful and happy to see Rowan with us. They answered our questions and they gave us some things, including her original birth note. And I immediately broke down. I had managed to hold back the tears (pretty well), but when I saw that red scrap of paper, creased from folds, with scribbled Chinese writing, the reality...that reality...hit me.

They also gave us a bag of a few supplies, including a bottle and formula and several scraps of fabric that she apparently uses for her "lovies." Thank goodness we have something of comfort to her. She holds them up in front of her nose and mouth, and she calls them "na-na."

It didn't seem like we were there very long before we left. On the ride back to the hotel, she whimpered a few times, and she cried once, but she was easily consoled. She laid her little head on my chest and pointed to the people and cars out of the window. Once we got back to our hotel room, our guide had us do lots more paperwork, and the whole time, we took turns playing with her on the bed while the other signed and gave thumbprints. She was rolling around, laughing, scribbling pictures on the hotel notepad, playing with both of us, cuddling with both of us, and smiling. She was playful and comfortable and happy. We both know this can't be this easy. She will have spells of feeling lost and grieving, but...so far, she hasn't. She has been as comfortable and affectionate as if we had always been together. She comes to us for help. She makes excellent eye contact. She speaks to us...she knows lots of words, and I can tell she's a very smart girl. I can't even describe how perfect this afternoon has been.

We were told she loves baths, and they were right. She took her beach ball in the bath with her and had a blast. We got her all washed up and dried off (she actually didn't want to get out and kept trying to get back in the tub). I laid a comb on the bed and turned to do something else, and she picked it up and started combing her hair. Then she combed Scott's (even though he doesn't have much to comb).

She's been sleeping peacefully for about an hour. She saw her bottle on the desk and grabbed it and brought it to me, so I made her a bottle, and we laid down together. She quietly dozed off and hasn't made a peep since. She is so perfect. God chose this child for us, and of course, He always knows what He's doing. I could not have dreamed of a more perfect day. We'll see how tomorrow goes...and the next day. But, so far...it's good. Really good.

We made it to Nanning!

2011-05-08T10:49:00.000-05:00

Whew!

Today was an emotional roller coaster of a day for me. It ranged from sad and a little homesick, to relaxing and enjoyable, to desperation with a little rage mixed in.

First, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. Not good. I thought after climbing the Great Wall yesterday (and feeling good all day) that I could get away without taking a "sleep aid." I overestimated myself. Between being a morning person anyway, being a little jet lagged still, and being excited/nervous/anxious/all of the above, I knew when I opened my eyes at 3 something that there was no going back to sleep. So, I had to occupy myself for 3 hours or so until Scott woke up (I actually woke him up a couple of times, and he wasn't very pleased, but I think jet lag is to blame for his light sleeping, too).

Anyway, having woken up before the crack of dawn, we went down to breakfast early again. Scott wished me Happy Mother's Day, and I cried all over my omelet. I hadn't realized that's what day it is, and I MISS my boys!! Really bad. And I wonder if they miss us, and I worry that they do. It's a classic case of homesickness with a little mommy guilt mixed in. I'm having a hard time of it lately.

After breakfast, we went up to Eve's room to tell them goodbye as we won't be seeing them again ('til we're home again, that is). Then we headed out on our own little adventure - no tour guides, no English-speaking driver. We got on the subway and went to the Temple of Heaven...and it was heavenly. It's a massive public park with a large temple high up on a hill. The temple was built in the 1400's for the Emperor to go pray for a good harvest. The park was full of people...dancing, singing, exercising, playing cards, talking, visiting, and just looking around. Our guide from the day before told us that people in Beijing live in small apartments with no outdoor space, so they really utilize the parks.

We got back to the hotel in plenty of time to meet our guide, who took us to the airport. And we got to the airport with plenty of time to spare, which is a good thing...since we were held up at security over a can of tuna. Well, not really a can of tuna, but a little snack-sized thing of crackers and chicken salad that I bought at the grocery store at home. I entered China with them in my backpack and have now traveled across the world with them without a problem...until today. Security at the Beijing airport apparently found them very suspicious. They were x-rayed and x-rayed again...they dug through our carry-ons. They took my passport and kept it for an uncomfortably long time. We told them to just throw them away and forget about it. But finally, they gave us back the chicken salad and crackers and told us to be sure and put them in our checked luggage next time...and believe me, I will.

So, we finally got to our gate, where we sat and waited a while. Our flight boarded on time...unfortunately. I wish we had had the luxury of spending the next TWO AND A HALF HOURS in the terminal rather than on that hot, stinky, old, nasty plane...yep, just sitting there on the plane parked at the gate...just breathing in the stale air...with no flippin' clue why or when we might be able to get off the ground...because we were the only two white people on the plane. I've had my share of miserable flight experiences, like the time I sat next to a 600 pound man on the way to Chicago (he took up his seat and over half of mine) or the 14+ hour flight from Newark to Beijing that was delayed 2 hours (that was certainly no picnic)...but this one tops all. If you think you've had a bad flight experience, try being the only two white people on a Chinese domestic flight where the plane sits at the gate after boarding for over two hours...and you HAVE NO IDEA WHY because no one (not even the flight attendants) speak English. Not that it makes any difference why, but the not knowing why or how long was torture. While we waited, the flight attendants started handing out cups of water. I reached for one desperately and was handed a cup of hot water (and I don't mean room temperature, I mean hot like put a teabag in it hot). That's a real thirst-quencher...when you're breathing through your mouth so as not to smell anything, and your clothes are sticking to you from the sweat, and the stale, uncirculated air is giving you mild panic attacks. Anyway, it was all I could do not to melt into a puddle of tears...and resist the urge to scream, "LET ME OFF THIS PLANE." It was very clear that no one in our vicinity spoke or understood English...therefore, I could say things like, "this is torture," and "God, how I wish you had remembered to bathe this morning" without the guy next to me knowing what I'm talking about.

I'm not saying that I expect that they all should have spoken English and made more of an effort to make us "entitled Americans" feel more comfortable. I know we're in another country with a completely different culture, and up until this afternoon, I've observed it in awe. But, the whole experience today was just a little overwhelming, and I felt a little like I was drowning in Chinese culture on that flight.

Anyway, the plane ride from hell is over. We arrived in Nanning, and our awesome guide Jane brought us to our hotel. And tomorrow...we get out girl. So, it's really important that I calm down and let go of the stress of today. Because we have no idea what to expect tomorrow, and we have to be prepared for anything. Oh, I don't even know what to say. I can't even explain how I feel. Next post, we'll have a daughter! Stay tuned.